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Aster's avatar

Why would a deceased loved one only visit you one time?

Asked by Aster (20023points) January 28th, 2015
27 responses
“Great Question” (3points)

I have most definitely been visited twice by a loved one after they died. But they never came back.
The first time was (well, both times were out of this world) when both my mother and my best friend had just died so I never knew which one visited me. I was typing away and suddenly a very strong scent of flowers of some sort wafted through the room, hung out about ten seconds then vanished. I was about fifty then and I knew it was my mother or my friend. I can’t be convinced otherwise; it would be impossible. It may have nothing whatsoever to do with Christianity.
The second time I had an accomplice or partner. My ex and I were spending two nights at his mother’s house. After the first night he said, “Aster! Granny visited us last night. There was a really strong bath powder smell. If it happens tonight do you want me to wake you up?” and I agreed. So that night in bed I forgot what he said and went off to sleep. At some point later he woke me up: “Aster! Do you smell that?” and man, it was definitely a powder smell and lingered above us. He said, “go away, Granny” and it left. I wish he had never said that, of course, as his grandmother loved him and was sensitive.
But why only one time? I want to say that any questions involving fresh flowers, fake flowers , open windows, scented candles are not worth asking because they were not there.
I hope this question doesn’t make anybody annoyed or angry. They were very beautiful experiences I don’t deserve.

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Answers

Aster's avatar

I was just remembering one other possible experience. After my father in law passed away my husband and I drove up north and stayed with my mother in law. We slept in what we thought of as the guest room, which had twin beds, but actually my father in law slept in there a lot due to excruciating pain from pancreatic cancer and he didn’t wish to awaken his wife with his loud moaning and groaning.

I was asleep in his bed. After I’d say about half an hour I felt “somebody” gently pinch my big toe. He was an affectionate man , a fatherly type, and it seemed right away that would be something he’d think to do. I only knew him a few years and only saw him once a year. FWIW

talljasperman's avatar

When my grandma died we had a celebration at my grandparents house… I was 9 and I got drunk from unsupervised alcohol. The family put me in my grandmas bed and I was so spooked out that she kept me awake all night and I when I sobered up I went to sleep. I believe that my grandma was keeping me alive and protecting me from alcohol poisoning.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Guess it is just a way of saying goodbye and stating their prescence. If such a dimension really does exist, it is a means of letting us down here know. I had an experience and to this day I do not know if it was just my impressionable mind or a drop-in to let me know the person left but said goodbye.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Could you have bored them so bad they thought this joint is dead, lets go find a fun place? You know I’m kidding. I think if they’re at peace they might come back once, say goodbye and move on.

marinelife's avatar

I think they come back to help us deal with our grief, and then are taken up by other things in the afterlife.

ucme's avatar

Maybe they’re just not that punctual, don’t call the dead “late” for nothing.

josie's avatar

Truth is, they never visited you the first time. Deceased, for better or for worse, means gone. As in oblivion. So the whole notion of why or why not the second time is invalid. I am not asking you to like the answer. Just sayin.

Aster's avatar

I once knew a male Physicians’ Assistant, an Atheist, who told me when his mother died his cat was in the room and stared at the ceiling for a very long time. He was convinced the cat saw her soul up there. He started a website for people to discuss Atheism so he’s the real deal.

Aster's avatar

@josie When you know that you know you just know. You live again in a very different form.

ucme's avatar

<laughs so much he got hiccups>

josie's avatar

@Aster
I can relate.
I just know that the Tooth Fairy gave me money for my baby teeth.

Even when my Mom confessed her role, I just knew she was simply trying to get me to grow up.

Shame on my Mom. I hope my Mom did not have to settle up with the Tooth Fairy when she died and and took on another form.

On the other hand, never mind. Maybe the deceased only get one “return”. And that was it.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I’d like to believe my deceased relatives could visit me, but I know they can’t. I think sometimes we want it so much we can almost will ourselves to feel their presence. I’m sure it feels as if your loved one was there, and if that feeling comforts you continue to imagine it, but @josie is right, they’re gone.

trailsillustrated's avatar

After my mum died, I was driving down the road with hurt feelings thinking, “why has she not visited me?” Whilst thinking this, a huge butterfly flew in the window and rapidly around my head, then back out. I’ve read about this and it’s difficult for them, the conditions have to be just right.

Berserker's avatar

Hm. If the dead can come back, I must assume there is some other state of existence they travel to. Goodbyes, messages or unfinished tasks would have to be done before moving on, if one were to believe how traditional ghosts work.

But is that not creepy? I love my dad, but if he came back as a ghost I’d freak the fuck out.

longgone's avatar

Where is @SomeGhost when you need him?

ucme's avatar

I agree, if any long since departed relative/friend appeared before me in ghostly form, i’d shit my fucking pants. We’re talking shotgun diarrhoea here, nasty stuff.

ragingloli's avatar

imaghost
If the christian religion were true, then the dead would either end up in hell, or heaven.
In neither case would they be coming back as ghosts. Not even once.

Aster's avatar

The scent of dried roses is NOT creepy, spooky, freaky. It is a beautiful, loving feeling. If I saw their BODY appear then I’d be nervous at first.
I am Not linking any of this up with Christianity. I know I was contacted, I know there’s life after death but I know nothing else about it. I do not fear death AT ALL since this happened. I DO however, fear physical pain.
@ragingloli, the Bible has various statements about death and the Afterlife. The writers who penned the words had not died and didn’t know everything there is to know. Some verses imply the Soul is taken directly to Heaven or Hell. Some verses imply the dead will be “taken up” after the Rapture. You have to translate many words back to Greek to know what they were saying or to Arabic. I do not waste my time trying to analyze the entire thing. You could go nuts attempting that.
Yes; it IS comforting to know I will see them again BUT if none of this had happened I would suspect it would happen anyway but I wouldn’t be sure.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Such phenomena are ether one imagining things (the mind can have a powerful effect on the body, including the senses) or reading what we wish into random happenings.

” I once knew a male Physicians’ Assistant, an Atheist, who told me when his mother died his cat was in the room and stared at the ceiling for a very long time. He was convinced the cat saw her soul up there. He started a website for people to discuss Atheism so he’s the real deal.”

Oh, well nevermind. I’m convinced.

Aster's avatar

^^^^^^ I had a witness who experienced it at the same time. Not that common. lol And don’t think for one minute that WE were pining away missing Granny. She had been dead for three years and we never mentioned her.
I can see you are thinking also that I was typing in my new office thinking of my mother and friend but such is not the case. Not by a long shot.
But, sure. A traumatized mind can create all sorts of phenomena.

Darth_Algar's avatar

You don’t have to be willfully imagining things to imagine them nonetheless.

Berserker's avatar

@Aster I have a friend who told me her dad visited her once. She woke up and he was just sitting there. I asked her if she got scared, she said no, and that it was comforting.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t know the answer to your question, I don’t even know whether this is possible (for the dead to come back in any form, I mean) but maybe it was to bring some sort of comfort? Were you worrying or sad about something in your life at the time? I don’t know whether I believe in signs such as these but I couldn’t undermine anyone’s personal experiences and there’s a lot we humans have yet to learn so never say never.

Mastema's avatar

Not sure why only once. Wickedvamp and I made a promise to each other to always be with the other in death.

WickedVamp's avatar

If I were to die before Mastema, I would visit him quite often. Once would not be enough.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@WickedVamp But surely you are not still alive?

WickedVamp's avatar

@dappled_leaves I’m not exactly dead either. Not yet.

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