@ibstubro: “The examples you cite are commonly known as ‘white lies’ and they are of the grease that glides polite discourse. They’re shortcuts.”
They’re shortcuts to what? Having insincere, superficial relationships built on lies? Having people misunderstand who you are? They’re shortcuts to people being unable to trust you.
You don’t always need to provide tons of details, but lying is immoral. If a friend asks me if I’d like to go see a band on Thursday, I’m not going make up some “I have plans” excuse. I can simply decline (“I’m going to pass, but thanks for the invite”). Do I have to go into details about how I’d rather get home from work and spend time with my kids than go meet up with him and have my ear drums destroyed? No. In fact, if I do decide to elaborate, it would likely lead to a better relationship between us. “I’d rather meet up some time where we could actually talk. I haven’t seen you in a while. The whole loud music thing would be far from ideal…” etc.
When it comes to strangers, there is no reason to lie. But when it comes to the most close people in your life, there really is no excuse. Many people still maintain that “white lies” are harmless. They’re not. And I generally avoid these people. I do not lie to my kids or wife. Ever. Not even the “white lies”.
@ibstubro: “I’m tired, give me a bit.” and you’re off.
”“I need a bit of alone time.” and people are likely to start asking polite questions, like “Are you okay?” “Are you feeling all right?””
The “are you feeling all right?” question is one of those openings in a relationship that allows it to grow? Do they know what an introvert is? Do they know that I am one? Do they know that passing on invites is nothing personal and should not be taken as an insult?
If you’re talking about complete strangers and it doesn’t seem appropriate to get into all this, simply passing is completely honest and appropriate.