@zenvelo I don’t think self esteem is the reason so many people are in prison. It has more to do with people raising children with no respect for others and sometimes little to no real consequences for their actions.
Self-esteem is necessary. We need to learn to value ourselves without devaluing others in order to do it. I look at self esteem like taking a vitamin. Too much is a bad thing and so is too little. You need to take a dose of reality with it for it to function correctly. There is nothing wrong with praising your children for hard work. They need to know that it is something they should always aspire to do. But when we award children all the time for trivial things, like, best dresser, or little helper instead of hard work, it sends a message that it’s ok to be lazy. You will be rewarded just for being cute.
Life is a course set with rewards for those who work hard to better their lives. When we mix that message up, you have those who feel they should always be entitled to have the best because they simply are, and they will grow frustrated when they find cuteness wears off and the rewards stop coming. As an adult self esteem will take a blow. And either they will take things or crumble.
Then you have the ones who work hard and give up because they see others getting rewarded for nothing. Then you have those who are taught at home that their are rewards for working hard and nothing gained for being lazy, and their parents are determined to fall flat on their face when they fail. It doesn’t mean they don’t love them. Love is another matter separate from achievements or working hard. At least in my home it was. I didn’t love them for being smart or working hard. I loved them for being themselves and let them know that it’s ok if others dont’ love them because they will not love everyone either. A fact of life.
I didn’t coddle either of my children and I encouraged hard work. I loved them for being themselves and let them know that I would not always be around to help them put their lives in order and that someday they needed to stand on their own two feet, resolve their problems and work hard to achieve their goals in life. Nothing would be handed to them. Not because they didn’t deserve things but rather because the best rewards in life are the one you worked hard to accomplish on your own. It lets you know that you are strong and a value member of society and can face most of life’s curve balls because they have the self esteem they need to come out stronger on the other side of things.
Best thing my dad ever told me, was that he was not concerned about leaving me some day because he knew without a doubt that I would always land on my feet. In times of hardship, when I was scared and unsure. I would remember those words and march on. I never felt entitled. If anything I felt blessed that I had the strength, mind and self esteem to make myself stronger with each struggle.