I agree with people about being there. One of the things I hated hearing, was the obligatory; call me if you need me, statements. Or if there is anything I can do.
Real friends show up and then ask what do you need handled. Or show up with food, or a list of handy numbers for the person to call and make arrangements, or offer to send out notices to family or friends so they don’t have too or if she is in school, ask if she may need help talking to a teacher about missing classes or a test.
Its the little things that add on and make the process of grieving even more difficult. If they are having a wake at the house, ask if you can help with food, or arranging getting chairs for the mourners. Sometimes getting someones help is a great comfort. To know that someone is willing to help when your mind is a basket case.
At my dads wake, it was a comfort that we didn’t have to put much thought into it because my aunts and uncles handled the smaller details. We were too young to help my mom much because it was our first funeral ever, but my mom did get some help from our church priest in making arrangements. We would’ve been completely lost and my dad would’ve probably had the worst send off. But our friends and my dads bosses and work buddies only said, hey let us know if you need anything. They showed up for 5 minutes for the viewing and one of them even tried hitting on my sister.
So my point, is if you are going to be there. Actually mean it and show up even if you aren’t invited. Insist on helping. People in mourning don’t have the will power to chase down false promises.