The only time I was asked to be in a wedding party I turned it down. I didn’t understand it was an honor, I regret that. I was in my early twenties and had only been to 2 weddings before that. I was going to have to fly there, stay in a hotel, and the idea of paying for a dress and shoes seemed “not worth it.” I thought I’d rather give her a gift than where a dress I’d never pick out for myself. I look back and wish I had asked my mom to pay for the dress. Actually, she asked her parents to help pay and they said no, which I think is horrible to this day. Not for me, I hold no grudges, but how did they say no to her? They are middle class with definitely enough money to have put out another $100 towards the dress.
When I got married my husband couldn’t fathom asking people to pay for a specific dress, and I agreed right away and everyone wore whatever they wanted. Everyone chose black anyway, except his mom was in black and white and my grandmother in an animal
Print of all things, which she totally pulled off.
If I was asked today I would be honored, but still not happy about having to put out money for a dress and shoes I probably won’t wear again. Do I have to host a party? A bridal shower? For a close friend I’d love to, but if I were tight on money I would not be happy about the obligation to do it. I’d hope people would chip in. I’m not very keen on obligations put on others because someone is getting married.