My mothers care. She lives with my sister half way across the country away and while my sister loves mom and does whatever is necessary for mom when she needs it; my brother and I feel that she is taking advantage of the situation, spending moms money on things that benefit her and her family while only providing the minimum necessary for her.
While I know that it is not cheap to take care of someone 24/7 she has run through all of moms checking account, savings account and spends every penny of the $1500.00 that mom brings in every month. There is nothing to show for it. Other than a new car for my sister, bigger than she “wanted” because she had to get something mom could get in and out of. When she first took mom in she had me draw up plans to convert the garage into a mother-in-law suite that would be handicap accessible and elderly friendly. I did so, priced it out, keeping the design and construction costs to a minimum and gave it to my sister to implement. It never got done. We have not even been able to get her to build a ramp to eliminate the two steps up into the house, she says there no money. A new shower or walk-in tub to replace the existing one which is a constant danger to someone moms age, again, no money for it.
Sis only works two days a week but is gone most days, never cooks, all food is fast food bought and brought in. Her youngest graduated from HS last year and went off to college about 2 hours away. Sis and Hubby have managed to make every game, home and away including those in other states, which means that they have to arrange for overnight and longer care. To do this they hire a sister-in-law to do so, which helps her survive since she does not have a full time job either
My brother has volunteered to take mom for half the year but my sister wants nothing to do with it, saying that she would miss her too much. We think it is because she would miss the income. He asked for $5000 from moms estate to remodel part of his house, making a elderly accessible shower/bathroom and a private bedroom on the ground floor. To do this he would sacrifice his game room, laundry room and half bath. The money would just cover most materials and some parts and all labor would be donated by family. This was when we found out there was no savings left. I volunteered to split the cost with him and he was fine with that but again, sister says no it would be too much hardship on mom to make the trip from Alabama to Texas and back twice a year.
Sorry for the rant. Every time we talk about any part of moms care my sister gets pissed and won’t call or take my call for months on end so we try to avoid mention of it to try to maintain familial harmony.