I am a 51 year old man who has lived with his parents since I’ve had to go on disability after being shot in a robbery (almost died). I am living under their roof. It may still be a year or so before I am financially solvent and in a new career. I was ordained as a minister and served at one church earlier in life, and I seem to be headed back into the ministry.

I am really not much of a risk taker anymore and know my safety zone and am aware of my surroundings. I am also in a relationship with a woman whom I intend to marry—who, regrettably, is also on disability and lives with HER parents and perhaps less likely to get independent on her own but we will likely get married. She is the first woman I’ve been SERIOUSLY in love with. Her parents of course are okay with her doing anything, as she is an adult.

Because I was shot and almost died in an especially aggravated robbery, my parents do not want me out late—they want me in by 10:00 P.M. and are intolerant of me being out past midnight—if I live with them I must live by their rules. The only reason I am so considerate of their wishes is because I recognize their genuine concern for my safety and their almost obsessive/compulsive preoccupation with the time I was almost killed (I was shot, actually, at THEIR house—shortly after midnight, coming in, at the carport door). They have a VERY hard time coping with their obsession for my safety so I usually comply—but sometimes, I am in a situation where I am out past the witching hour (midnight).

I love and do respect my aging parents—who also have come to rely on me as I have lived with them the past two years on disability and I am starting to re-establish myself. They rely on me for transportation and general assistance around the house. I don’t want to stay here indefinitely and will move out in a year or so, but for now, our relationship works—except my friends, normal adults, stigmatize me for having a “curfew”

How do I deal with my parents? They seem almost obsessed and disturbed with my safety and want me in by twelve or even ten. I am not scared because I myself am always aware of where I am, what I see, experience, and my surroundings—and have always been out late, even way back in college—and worked or helped people at night. I want to get along with them, but also want my freedom— especially with my friends and my new love interest—who think I have a “curfew” or should tell my parents to bug off or just ignore them.