GQ!
I think my controlling tendencies could have been handled better, but I am not sure how they evolved. I do have a theory: My mum easily loses her temper, and I have been able to appear cool during arguments from a young age. Winning arguments by pretending to be strong has not taught me anything valuable. In fact, it took the loss of a friend to make me realize that those who are in control are also fairly lonely.
The other thing I wish I could change in retrospect: My parents believe in letting children share the family’s worries. I agree with that, but at times, I was given too much responsibility. My mum was completely thrown when my dad left her (and, on and off, in the years leading up to that point). She needed a lot of emotional support. My sister and I stayed up way too late during that time, talking and watching re-runs with her. My dad had the lovely habit of simply disappearing for days, without warning, and without even sending a text message to let us know he was still alive.
I’ve talked about this with my mum, and briefly discussed the disappearances with my dad, but there is not really much to say. Or rather, there is probably too much to say.
I don’t blame my mum and dad (anymore), but I wish things had been easier. The effects of that time are still visible, in all of us.
All in all, I am happy with how I was raised. My parents did a great job of letting me be who I wanted to be, and they always made clear they would trust my version of the truth over that of other children or teachers. As a result, though I could have been a great liar, I do not remember lying to them about anything substantial. I feel trusted and loved up to this point.