My first marriage divorce. We dated for 8 years and I thought I knew her well enough to marry her. 14 months into our marriage while I was finishing the tile work in our master bathroom I looked up to see her standing in the doorway with a suitcase and she informs me she is leaving to stay at her GF’s to take some time to “find herself”! All I could muster was “well…ok”. Long painful story short, I came to find out she was having an affair with a heroine addict/dealer. The affair hurt enough but a loser druggie??? My brain melted down and I was a paralyzed wreck for over 2 months. To say it hurt doesn’t scratch the surface of what I felt back then.

I have heard bad things lead to good and no truer words have been said as I have a great wife, great kids and a good life despite that awful experience.

I dated the same guy from the summer before 11th grade through three years of college.

We mutually broke up, but I became devastated. I barely functioned for 4 months. The first week I had dry heaves every morning, couldn’t eat, cried constantly. I would shake from nothing. Just sit there and shake like it was freezing, but it wasn’t cold. I lost 10 pounds in one week. A few weeks into it I was prescribed Xanax, thank God, and could eat a little more. I should have dropped out of the term, but I didn’t. Ruined my GPA, and screwed up some other school related things.

Worst situation I have ever been through regarding how my brain and body reacted, but not the worst situation I have ever been through. If that makes sense. In the end, he was a cheater, and a liar. I would have most likely been unhappy, or eventually divorced, if we had married.

My first girlfriend.
We dated 9 months, and hooked up several times in later years.
That relationship emotionally crippled me, and ruined any chance of good relationships for YEARS.

It was my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I tried with all my might to make it work but it always seemed like I was the only one working on keeping us together. Finally, at terrible risk to my immortal soul, I broke it off and haven’t looked back. I feel that I am much healthier emotionally now.

@Blondesjon Brutal

I’m with Jon.

Losing my dad was hard, but I was young. Getting rid of my mother was easy – I regretted more the relationship we never had, not the one I’d lost. But leaving the church hurt. I spent a good two years in denial of the fact that I didn’t believe anymore, out of sheer fear.

It’s funny, but I never had a problem with quickly separating Jesus from the demands and practices of the Catholic Church. Just a swivel of my head from the exemplary example of Jesus to His jewel encrusted Popes piling up the loot of the world, was all it took. And then there’s the degrading insecurity relegated to a supposedly omnipotent God in the requirement of worship from his defective inferiors. What’s that about?

My problem was in my early 20 s when I was entangled sexually with a married co-worker. In a lot of ways it was the most frightening 4 months I’ve lived through, because I came to realize that there was an aspect of my life over which I had no control. The woman was absolutely bewitching and even after quitting the job and fleeing for my life, I dreamt of her for years.

Getting out of my last long term relationship and realizing that a lot of the problem was me was hard. I became an ugly person while in this relationship. It took 2 years to find myself again.
I don’t know that I will ever truly open up enough to let someone that close ever again. Not out of choice, though. That relationship detached and hardened me too much to come back from fully. In general I lost trust in others, and in myself. If there is a moment in my life I would return to, it would be the day I met them. I’d like to be that person again.

I fell totally in love with a co-worker and it didn’t pan out. It took 10 years to get her out of my system and dreams of her to end.

As I was thinking about this question, I realized I didn’t have a relevant story. Then I realized my lack probably says more about me than I would like. I run from most people before they can mean too much—so I’m out of the relationship before it gets difficult. I don’t wind up with the sort of hurt you have all described above, but I also can’t say “my first so-and-so” or “my last so-and-so” because there isn’t a first, there isn’t a last. There’s just me, the one relationship I can’t get out of, the one I haven’t yet figured out.

@stanleybmanly I walked the same mile in the same shoes.

There have been a couple, but one still haunts me – pretty literally, in dreams – because I’m convinced that the person is a sociopath. There’s being lied to, used and manipulated, and then there’s being lied to, used and manipulated by a sociopath and there’s a big difference. No part of me misses anything about it, but it’s like it was seared into my brain and I constantly have dreams. I hate it.

Unbeknownst to me, my first one true love was already in a (dwindling) relationship. As a gentleman, I stepped back while the 3rd party fought tooth and nail to preserve a relationship that was soon doomed to failure.

We lost touch, and I was good with that…always knowing that one day we’d meet, have closure and be friends of life. Then one day another friend invited me to the funeral. My love had died a lingering death and I never knew. I was decades coming to peace with that, but I have.

That’s not even the relationship that spurred the question.

I’m sorry for everyone’s pain.
Thanks for sharing…I hope it helps a bit?

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