I love eye contact—I feel “plugged in” to the other person, I feel like I can better feel what they are saying as they are saying it. But it also often feels too close—like other people have described, “intense”—like I might be intruding, or they might think I’m too [whatever]. My eye contact is more steady when I’m listening to someone, but I’ll drop my gaze purposefully when it feels like too much, when it feels too close or too intimate.
When I’m talking, it really depends. If I’m trying to express something more emotional, I’ll tend to look right at the person, and rely on gestures and facial expressions to help my words. If I’m trying to talk about something I’m picturing in my mind, something more conceptual, I’ll look somewhere else to focus on the mental picture. Often I’ll find myself gesturing out into the world like I could point at the imaginary objects/locations.
I did go through a period where people were always commenting on my eyes, which gradually made me more self-conscious about it.