Play the games you like. Don’t do things that don’t make you happy. Learn for fun and not because someone tells you to. Play by your rules. Spend time alone and appreciate being alone in charge of everything under your control.

The thing that doesn’t make me happy right now is school, haha. Catch 22. I’m too far in to quit now, but it has me so incredibly stressed out.

I also spend a lot of time alone (by choice), and I love living alone for the reason you mentioned. But I do think I’m running into (and by running into I mean just now realizing) serious issues with control. Any tips on how to ease up on that end? lol. I’ve become very high-strung in recent years. Not a fan.

Yes. For control learn not to care or how to avoid situations where you have limited control over your environment . I have a problem with dogs licking me so I just walk away and don’t make eye contact. I avoid other people and am in charge in my apartment. My house my rules. So I tend to stay where I am in charge. With your schooling you can focus on subjects that you like and f it all to subjects that you hate. Just give the bare minimum to subjects that you hate and go over and beyond in subjects that you love. Ask for extra credit assignments In subjects that you love. You can do independent studies while you have access to the library and learn for fun. Hopefully you can write a paper and get published before you have your diploma or degree. You can write a book in blurb or Amazon and publish independently.

Fear not, youth sucks, you look and feel great but you are a mass of insecurities. Just give it another 30–40 years, you’ll be fine. lol
Seriously, don’t overthink all of this, just act, just be, just show up without all the mind stories and self monitoring. The trick is not in having control but in surrendering control.

Say yes. Do things – fail at some, succeed at others. Realize it’s not the end of the world if you fail occasionally. Try to make a few friends and hang out with someone once or twice a week.

And yes, find a therapist who is really a good match for you.

Also, an occasional Xanax can help a lot when the anxiety is overwhelming.

Thanks for the responses :)

Yeah, I have hobbies (quite the variety, honestly), and I socialize regularly (also quite a bit, considering I’m fairly introverted). I meditate, exercise, let all the sunlight in that I can get, volunteer, and yes, even have a script for when I tip the saucer.

@Coloma any tips on how to surrender control? haha. Over the years I think I’ve actually done a fair job of that (e.g, I leave the decision-making up to friends, choose to be a passenger rather than driver, etc)—I guess the real question I need to consider is ‘how has this affected me?’

ahh I feel like such a mess, haha

You just don’t give up, because you deserve the work. As much as the work can suck, the truth is that you deserve every ounce of energy that it may take to make yourself feel better. Sometimes that can take more energy than you have and sometimes life will be challenging, but those times pass. When your next upswing comes, relish it. Remember it. Savor the parts that make you the happiest and remember what it is about them that made you feel happy and that made you feel valuable. And reflect on those when you do not feel happy or valuable.

And know that you are always valuable to me and I am proud of you. xoxo.