A collection of professionally designed calling cards.
Some read the following:
“It’s unfortunate you do not like sushi.”
“You keep wrenching my centerview mirror to check your makeup.”
“You simply cannot stop asking questions you don’t want an honest answer to.”
“You condescended to our waiter again.”
“That pause in my speech is for effect, not for you to wedge you next statement into.”
“Animals are delicious, I have no idea what I was thinking.”
“Find someone else to introduce you to Stanley Kubrick,”
“So I wear makeup, you never would have noticed if I hadn’t told you.”
“No, the Cocteau Twins and Morrissey don’t use autotune.”
“I expect to be worshiped in bed as much as you do.”
“You didn’t seem to mind urinating on me.”
“Ask someone else how to hold a fork.”
“Sad you don’t know how to exit or enter a car properly when wearing a skirt.”
“So she looked me over and talked to me, I was gracious about it.”
“No, it didn’t make you look fat, it just didn’t work.”
And inspired by the Bloodhound Gang song:
“It’s not my job.
To fuck you on your birthday.
Anymore.”