A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
Judge says, ‘First offender?’
She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’
A messy, twisted bit of twine walked into the bar.
Bartender says, “Ey, someone just called looking for a string. Are you a string?”
He says, “No, sir, I’m a frayed knot.”
OK, @cookieman reminded me of something really silly I did once. I was in some bleacher’s standing up, looking for something in my purse. An AAA battery somehow fell out of my purse and on to the seat in front of me, next to a lady. She looked at it, I looked at it, then pulled out a little one serving thing of salt I also had in my purse and threw it on the battery…..Then I had to ‘splain the joke to her.