I’m opinionated in this actually. I don’t have children, but my guess is mother’s do see their children’s “flaws” like their nose is on the big side, or their kid is overweight, or whatever thing, but obviously their love their child, and how entertained they are by their children makes all those things not matter or even be endearing. My husband has a wrinkle in his face that I call “my favorite wrinkle.” I find the wrinkle cute, while he probably wishes he didn’t have it.
Anyway, here is where the opinionated part comes in. First, it’s more important how girls look, so I am going to focus on that. Girls are scrutinized much more by peers and society at large. Most people are pretty. You would be shocked how good posture, make-up, hair style, and clothing can transform people. The “pretty” girls often just know the secrets or have the money to help them accomplish the secrets.
Mom’s need to help their kids conform to some extent in my opinion. Just because the mom loves her daughter’s wild, curly, almost kinky hair, she shouldn’t insist natural is better when her 12 year old is feeling very out of place. Let the kid get her hair straightened or show her how to style her hair. I love full curly hair, I’m just using it as an example. Your kid has a mole that really bothers her, let her get it removed. Send her to ballet class (if she likes to dance) so she stands up straight if she won’t straighten her back for you. Let her wear make-up when her friends start to. Help her wear what’s appropriate and flattering.