I have no desire to get married again. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I spend my money the way I want, live how and where I want to live. I also had never cheated on my ex husband. There are some of us still out here that don’t cheat. I can think of several here on Fluther that I would bet never has and never will cheat on their spouse.

I had the exact same thing happen to me in my first marriage. We did not have kids and I really wanted kids. Not long after the divorce I met a really nice very fun lady 2 years later we were married and 2 years later had our first kid another 3 years later. Married 23 years now…wasn’t without some serious ups and downs but now that the kids are grown we are able to do things that we weren’t able to do since the kids were born. It’s like dating again but way more fun.

@chyna
Thanks for the response, I kinda think people should have to pass a polygraph test before they get a marriage license.
They should be asked if they cheat, would cheat and why not?
I was blind years ago I asked my ex if she would ever cheat and she said “Not the way people talk around this town.”
I thought she was kidding, talk about a red flag! (I hate her so much) seriously.
Thanks.

Thanks @cruiser
I’m happy it worked out.
Good luck.

Nope, I have had and continue to have zero interest in re-marrying. I divorced at age 43 after almost 22 years of a marriage to a raging narcissist that also was a liar and a cheat. I stayed too long for my daughter and left when she was 16. I had a few flings after my divorce but I too cherish my space and doing whatever the hell I want to do.

Once was more than enough for me. I am very content and not bitter in the least, just totally disinterested. Been there, done that, and I am not one to repeat the past. lol
Infact I am very proud of myself, a lot of women from my generation, and a lot of men too, just can’t seem to give up their need to be constantly coupled up and I have several same age female friends that are desperate to be in relationship. I do not relate at all.

I’ve been married twice and have known my current partner for almost 4 years. We have no plans to get married at this time. If we do in the future it will be for financial reasons. As regards cheating neither I nor any of my partners have ever done it.

Well, I did. I was in no hurry though. I was paranoid about bringing other men around my kids. I was single for 10 years after my divorce.

I didn’t assume any future marriages would be a repeat of my first, though. In some ways it is, but in most ways it isn’t.

I am happily married to the love of my life and my best friend, but…NO WAY IN HELL.

Two Reasons:
• I’d compare everyone else to my wife and that would no be fair or fruitful.

• Too much work and compromise.

You are one that I had in mind when I said I bet I knew of jellies that wouldn’t.

@chyna: Why thank you. And, you are correct.

i’ve not been married yet so im unsure

I’ve and I’m ~ And don’t forget your period! Yours truly, Gailcalled.

When I got married in my 20s, it was because we were having kids. We got divorced when I was 30 because he was an addict who refused to get help. In my adult relationships, there has not been any cheating. However, there was plenty of dysfunction in my previous relationships because if insecurity that caused neediness, jealousy, control issues, and even abuse.

I just got married for the second time in my 50s because it saves us some money on taxes and gives us legal access to each other in medical situations. In the seven years prior to the marriage, we have had a stable, trusting, relaxed relationship. I would not enter a relationship with anyone who was immature or insecure with whom there could be conflicts like those being mentioned in some prior responses. If both parties are mature independent adults going in, they should be able to remain as such within a relationship and marriage.

We don’t ‘answer to’ each other in any sense of either having control, but we do keep each other informed about what we’re doing or if we’re making any major purchases out of respect. I don’t feel that I have significantly compromised in any way, and I’m quite confident that he would say the same. He just went to a concert on his own last night and got in at 3 a.m. – I was sound asleep and didn’t hear him get in the bed next to me. We are two independent people who choose to be together.

I appreciate all the thoughtful responses, but I have to admit that whenever someone says that there was no cheating in any of their past relationships or that their current relationship is free of infidelity I can’t help but hear a little voice in the back of my head say “That’s what you think.”
Sorry, but I believed my ex wife was loyal no matter what.
Family members even told me she was seen with other men, but I loved her and she always looked me in the eyes and lied to my face for years and years and
I wanted to believe her so I did.
She never admitted anything until years later and after we had separated and the guys she cheated with didn’t want anything to do with her.
I’m assuming it’s because they found out that she was married or that the cheating ended our marriage and family.
My point is people who lie and cheat don’t generally admit to it, ever.
So many people may have been cheated on by many different people and will never know.
My ex lied and lied and lied and lied.
It’s just who she is at this point.
I was genuinely in shock at how much she had lied about going to work and how much she had cheated and how little she cared about my son and I.
Narcissistic people are amazingly deceptive, insensitive and inconsiderate.
I did not know women like that existed. Sometimes
When I talkto her about it she just says “I’m a bitch and a whore and I’m sorry that you had to be with such a sick person.”
She’s sorry, but I don’t see any real change in her or honest desire to change anymore so it’s
over.
Life is full of surprises, I guess?

@Danebiggs Bottom line, not everyone cheats, I never have, ever, in any relationship and if you want to move on to a healthier situation you have to give the benefit of the doubt to people. You have to understand that trusting in someone does not make you a fool, it is what has to be done to be in a healthy relationship. If someone cheats on you it is never about you, it is about their need for attention and excitement outside the relationship, their immaturity, their foolishness.
Trusting someone makes YOU the better person, and of course, love can be blind and we often project our own morals onto others, assuming they share the same values which is not always the case. However, while “once bitten, twice shy”, may be applied, you must find a way beyond any immediate suspicion to forge a new and better relationship.

Yes, I agree, it is shocking and upsetting, I remember thinking ‘WTF…HOW can someone come in an hour after screwing around on you and pat you on the ass and say great spaghetti sauce babe!” Some people can, but fuck ‘em, all that matters is that you love the man in the mirror and realize that as shitty as it is, cheating is never personal. Meaning, given that persons character they would have cheated on anyone else they were with at that time in their lives. It just happened to be you, it was not “personal.”

@Coloma
Aww….thanks Coloma.
I really have to return to some of these threads and reread the avice I’ve been given
I appreciate it.
I wanna trust again, I just have to meet a good one otherwise I’m scared I’ll either never go out again or become an asshole that just sleeps around and treats women like crap to get back at my ex wife in some sick way.
I relate to what you said about how people can cheat and come home and act like nothing happened.
I think my ex would have sex with her co worker, then come home late and have sex with me.
It really grosses me out.
She had to get tested for every kind of std and it was a tense week waiting for her aids test results.
I hadn’t so much as kissed another woman since I met her when I was 21 and I have a kid to raise.
Now here I am waiting to find out if I could have HIV because she didn’t use a fucking condom!!
Thankfully I heard the results on the phone with her and she was negative for everything.
Anyway, thanks for the advice and I hope I can trust again someday.

I never cheated. My ex did. I don’t think Rick has, but I don’t know for sure.

My first wife was very needy and demanding. I felt that I was being smothered and I couldn’t always meet her demands. I guess that’s why she cheated on me. When it happened, I was hurt but I also felt relief. I felt relieved because in a way, the other guy was helping me meet her demands.

She left me in January, 1980. Our divorce was finalized in February, 1984, but we reunited in October, 1984. About a year later, her schizophrenia became fully manifested and she was flown back to a Canadian treatment facility.

I realized the circumstances of my first marriage were rare and avoidable, so I still knew that I could have a loving and monogamous relationship.

I met my wife on January 16, 1994. I remember the date because it was the day before the Northridge earthquake. We got married on December 15, 2001, and last December was our 15th anniversary. The only way I might get married again is if she dies before I do.

@Brian1946
Thanks Brian.
Sorry to hear about your ex cheating and having schizophrenia it must’ve been a challenging time in your life.
Glad to hear that you’ve been remarried for 15 years now.
Congratulations, I hope it all goes well.
Thanks.

I wouldn’t get married even if my partner didn’t cheat