I think part of the challenge with the “what were you thinking?” question, at least every time that I’ve heard it, is that it already assumes that the person in question wasn’t doing what they should have been doing, or wasn’t thinking about the issue like they should have been. It’s always seemed more like a reprimand than a genuine question to me, and I think that’s because it’s a question that already assumes that whatever answer the person in question offers as an answer won’t be a sufficient answer. It’s a question that primes the asker to be disappointed by the answer.
Someone rides a bike without a helmet and falls and gets a concussion. Or just gets a bit banged up. Someone else asks them, “What were you thinking?” The cyclist thought they wouldn’t fall. But the asker seems to really be asking, “How, with all of the bike safety information out there today, did you think that a helmet wasn’t worth the effort?”—Well, again, because the cyclist thought they wouldn’t fall. But that’s not the kind of answer that the question really wants, which makes it seem like a bad answer…. Cue the shrug, cue the “I dunno.”
I had a cousin die before I was born because they weren’t wearing a seatbelt. I had a bad fall on a tricycle when I was three or four, hitting my head on playground asphalt of a nearby playground. I had been wearing a helmet, and the size of the dent in the helmet suggested that, if it hadn’t save my life, it had at least saved me a trip to the ER for stitches. When I was eight or so I was riding a scooter indoors and hit my head on a corner, splitting open the skin above my right eye—that time I did have to get stitches (okay, a single stitch). Because of all of that, I never feel like falling off a bicycle is improbable. But I know people who don’t have the same background with vehicular accidents, who just find my adamant use of a helmet amusing… Meanwhile I stare at them bug-eyed and think, What are you thinking?