Thank you for asking us this question. It takes a lot of courage to ask a question like this.
I have felt that way, too. I understand very well what it’s like to hate myself. I used to feel that way most of the time.
The first thing I did was to be gentle with myself. I recognized that what I was feeling was very natural for the trauma I lived through. Trauma has a way of warping our reactions to stress. We get all sorts of weird coping mechanisms that seem to work on the surface but don’t really.
I recognized that the feelings of hating myself weren’t really directed at me. I hated something I was experiencing, and I blamed myself for allowing myself to experience it. Does that make sense? I thought I should have been smarter to avoid whatever unpleasantness I’d been through.
I was wrong. Bad shit happened to me, and it wasn’t my fault.
I took this information, and I decided to nurture myself. I started simply. I decided to do one nice thing for myself each day. Just one. And I got to determine what that nice thing was. One day I chose to walk outside and lift my face to the warm sun. I stood there for a few minutes just feeling the warmth. Another day, I cooked myself something. I don’t cook often, so it was a treat. The point is that we each get to decide for ourselves.
I don’t know if what I did can help you, but that’s my story. I hope you feel better quickly.