I actually do this for a living, and I train others to do it, too.
I listen to people.
I never ask them what’s wrong. Instead, I ask them to tell me what happened to them, and then I stay quiet and listen.
There will be correlations that closely resemble aspects of my own story. When appropriate, I share bits of my own story that I think are relatable and that may give the other person an idea about how to move through their own situation.
It sounds simple, but it’s very difficult. It is very hard for us to remain silent and simply listen when a person may be talking about some difficulty. We are trained from the time we’re small to listen in order to solve the problem we’re hearing about.
Listening to solve is not a constructive way to go about this common occurrence. It’s much more effective to simply listen and tell the person we hear them.
I cannot count the number of people who have told me I’m the first person who ever listened to them. I am the only one who really heard them.
The training program I run includes 24 sessions. One is introductory and one is review, so there are 22 substantive sessions. Of those 22 sessions, three whole sessions are devoted to learning how to listen. 13.6% are about listening. That’s an enormous amount of time devoted to what seems simple.
The reason, however, is indeed simple. Listening to others – really hearing others – is vitally important to our lives together on this Earth.
Be quiet. Listen.