I’m going to bed now so can’t answer fully but my Ex left me after 37 years of marriage when I was 60. It’s been a rocky road and probably not one I would have chosen – there’s been some really lonely times and I’ve had some great, joyful times which I wouldn’t have had and made a bunch of new friends. I’m a much more resilient and self-reliant person than I was when I was married.

Ask questions and I’ll do my best to answer them either here or in PMs.

It was about 15 years ago that I told my husband it was divorce or counseling but he’d better choose quick or he wouldn’t have a choice. He chose counseling and he did turn around. I know that’s not typical in this type of situation, but I am putting it out there that it can happen. You might consider giving him the chance to think it through before you just pull the trigger.

One of my all-time favorite news items was about a woman of 90 who was divorcing her 92-year-old husband of more than 60 years. She said she was fed up with him and she’d given up hope that he was ever going to change.

Should you just “let this go?” That depends on how you wish to feel on a daily basis for the next umpteen years. If you can stand it and love the farm just say, “whatever” when he puts you down and walk out of the room.
For me, my ex became someone who put me down so often I lost my mind and my self esteem but, then, I was only forty two. I left him, regained my self worth and had a blast going out with friends. The apartment was so quiet; no more screeching football games, no more insults, no more home inspections and lots of compliments from mostly younger guys. I did feel lonely from time to time but it was well worth it. As far as counseling? He did counseling for part of his income! He refused to go. Most of them do refuse. I have a real sweetheart now who says I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him. He never puts me down. Wish I had left Satan sooner. See, they don’t believe you’d ever leave. If you plan on leaving save up some cash somewhere (or a lot of cash) to make due until you get half the farm.

Yes, you’re definitely going to need cash to pay the attorney and other needs. So save up, plan your life, then live your plan.

Neither one of us can afford a divorce right now and there
is no way he would sell any of this 150 acres. He’s keeping it
to give to the 2 sons as an inheritance since he is so bad with
money but they will just turn around and sell it when he’s gone
because they don’t care about it. He keeps saying if i died today
you would have no idea how to run this farm…no I would sell is asap/
We are sitting on money..our land and cows but we are completely
cash broke. I guess he has such a low self confidence he just had to
build a big house with a 2300 mortgage pmt which we have struggled
to pay for the last 15 years. I don’t need all of this but he likes to “look good”.
It was fine when he was bringing in 6–8 000 a month selling bonds but he
got tired of that and started farming full time and you don’t make that kind of
money starting out farming and having to buy the land etc. My mother said
before she died that this would never work and she was mostly right. I hear
men tell my husband you have a pretty wife and I do take care of myself but
he doesn’t seem to see my worth…..0r maybe after 30 years it is suppose to
be this way IDK but saving up for a lawyer will be years before I can get
out of here. Just praying maybe he will decide to sell and we will move on
and happiness will come again. But history usually repeats itself.

(Just as an aside, why do your posts have such strange margins?)

It sounds like you are very unhappy but it also doesn’t sound like you are in a position to divorce. Have you thought of going for counseling so you can find a way to deal with this situation? I meant just for you on your own.

Starting over at 60 is not for everyone especially if you have no resources. You make it sound as if you have no power in the relationship at all, is that true?

I was wondering that too @janbb. There was another user who used to do that and when I asked her she said she was OCD…

You need to start saving for the divorce. Maybe you can find an attorney who is willing to wait for payment out of the assets. When it does happen, the judge can order him to sell off all of the property and divide it right down the middle. If he doesn’t want to sell, he’ll have to pay you for your half. That’s how it works in the states, anyway.

File for legal seperation instead of divorce. Move out . Get couples counselling. If after this you feel strongly about divorce then do it amicably because divorce can be expensive. You do not want to be a broke divorcee in your old age..Sometimes when u live apart it makes it easier for you to decide whether a realationship is really right for you.

Divorced after 11 years of marriage after marrying young.
Go to counselling to ask WHY you felt that you should put up with controlling behaviour in the first place?
Perhaps your parents of his parents were/are like this in a relationship.

The fact that your husband says that hey wouldn’t know how to take care of the farm without you , tells me that he only see’s you as his “slave” and employee not as an equal partner in this marriage.
Go to a lawyer and you will find out what you are entitled too as “you had in fact been managing the farm,
( his own words) so therefore YOU ARE a contributor and solely depend on him for support.

He asking you to go out to work now suggests that he is trying to show the Courts that you have other means of support ( he is trying to get out of giving your share).

It does not matter the Courts will look at YOUR actual contributions
( other than money there is more to it)

You were the glue that held the family together.

At 60 Yrs of age , don’t underestimate your worth , you are still young enough to carve out your identity other than what HE is trying to make you believe.

Also look into early retirement as you are entitled ( depends on your Country) but check that out as well.
Get the facts on YOUR rights and what you are entitled too which is lots more than what he discloses.

When and If ( I hope that you do) leave this one sided relationship for good, the cards will fall and everything will come out in the Courts Documents.

Don’t be surprised if he does have a nest egg hidden from you all these years…you are entitled to half of that too.

For once in your entire life you will feel free and in control of your own life.

Good luck your future depends on your willingness to go out on your own and rid yourself of a manipulating , greedy man that probably pegged you as a softy from the start.

Do not give up on yourself.
You will come out of this enlightened and a new person with a new life.