Good question.
I think about the user you mention a lot too. He and I got off to a bad start with a misunderstanding, and from there we argued quite nastily for awhile. Then last year when I was in the hospital and Trump had just been elected and it felt like the entire world was on fire, my brain did its clarity thing it only seems capable of during crisis, and I realized I had had too many conflicts over stupid things. I reached out to several people who I felt I had been unfairly unkind to and apologized. He was one of them. He was very suspicious at first! Thought I had a trick up my sleeve. I told him, no, my life is just falling apart and I’m trying to get back to what’s really important, and Fluther fights are not that thing. After that, he accepted my apology, and proceeded to engage me in one of the most genuine conversations I’ve ever had on Fluther. I was blown away. He showed genuine concern over my situation and offered advice. He confided in me about some really personal problems of his own (which still haunts me – I should have understood better how serious his situation was…). We commiserated over our mutually crumbling lives.
I too wish I had realized how dire things were for him and had made a greater effort to help in some way. But at least things did not end the way they started for us, at least we got over our bad blood. I would have a lot more regrets otherwise. Sometimes I think we all need to just take a step back, reevaluate how important all our little arguments actually are in the grand scheme of things, and just choose to be kind.
Anyways, it’s not as though I’m innocent of bad behavior. If it weren’t for the wakeup call of my own personal crisis last year I would’ve just kept on being an ass to him. And I’m still an ass in plenty of ways still to plenty of other people. No, I don’t always set aside my opinions for the sake of kindness. It’s harder than ever, right now, when so much of what’s happening is so personally threatening to me, to not take things personally.
But overall I think my track record on Fluther is pretty OK. I like to debate, but I usually don’t descend to dirty behavior while debating. I rarely gossip or get involved in drama. I’ve tried to extend a hand to some folks who were struggling, as many people did for me in the past when I was struggling. I’ve donated money to a few jellies in need.
I’ve been spending less time here lately, just because I think my opinions are getting a little too radical for Fluther. I’ve been spending time on other sites talking with people whose goals are more closely aligned with my own.