Every relationship I’ve been in over the last 10 years has gone the same way. I feel unsure about my partner as a permanent addition to/reflection of myself. As a result, I hold that person at a distance with one foot out the door while scrutinizing their lesser actions/capacities with my perfectionist tenancies. In turn, the lack of security they rightfully sense results in uncharacteristic jealousy, insecurity, and a lack of confidence that then perpetuates/increases my reservations and distance.

This is not to say that my reservations are entirely unjustified. In many instances, other objective parties have agreed with my concerns, and thus I’ve wondered if I just haven’t met the right person who would make me “sure.”

But after so many recurrences, I’m at least aware enough to know that something within me is also to blame.

I’m concerned now that future relationships will go the same way regardless of the partner.

I don’t mind hearing what’s wrong with me, if it’s somehow clear to you. But mostly, I think I need some ideas in the form of experiments or exercises or challenges (call them what you will), that will eliminate the cycle of endless questioning and help me learn to commit more definitely, when/if the time comes.