I am self-aware enough to know that I have fallen into a “victim complex” at times in my life. I can’t find the exact quote right now, but a blogger I like summed it up very nicely when he said that it is seductive to see oneself as a victim because it gives you something besides your own faults to blame for your failures. It’s a mental crutch that many, including myself, use sometimes in order to loathe ourselves a little less.
That said, in 99% of cases I hate to dismiss people as “playing the victim.” Without being in their shoes, it’s hard to know exactly what options are available to them to alleviate their troubles. When we speculate we often get it wrong.
In some cases people feel victimized by situations that are entirely out of their control. In those cases there aren’t many options available to you besides going through a long coping process to get through the feeling, which can take years. I’m 12 years into my coping process and it’s still ongoing. Given my experience with this, I can forgive some wallowing. I also think in these cases that righteous anger is a tool that in many cases does not need and should not be suppressed by the coping process.
Of course in your example you’re talking about a very different situation that probably could be resolved if the person tried setting boundaries, like you say, but without knowing more details it’s hard to speculate.