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arcoarena's avatar

How do I get over an ending relationship with a girl I'm still in love with?

Asked by arcoarena (692points) August 17th, 2008
14 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

I’ve been dating a girl for over 3 years now but we broke up about 6 months ago but have still been in lingo practically dating most of the time still. She has had sex with at least one other person since we’ve broken up and she switches between wanting to be with me to not wanting anything to do with me to being friends that are allowed to kiss but nothing else.

I think the relationship is ending but I don’t know how to get over it. I still think about her all the time and whenever I get nervous about losing her or think about her with someone else I text or call her.

She is also only 18 and just graduated high school and I’m 22 just graduated from college but that has never been an issue with us really before.

I love her but I think I need to move on but I don’t know how.

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augustlan's avatar

You’ve got to come to a decision, and stick to it. It’s not healthy to stay in this back-and-forth pattern. End it for good, with no contact…no chance of “being friends” under these circumstances. I’m not going to lie, it’ll hurt like hell. Just let it hurt, have a good cry (or 3) and keep moving forward. As someone almost twice your age, I promise you will survive it, and better things will come.

MissAnthrope's avatar

If I were in this situation, I would need to take a chunk of time away from her. The only way I’d be able to start healing and continue to heal is to not have contact with her for a while. It’s way too hard for me to be in love with someone, be breaking up, and still be close. I have to have time on my own for the healing to start, otherwise every time we talk or have contact, the wound gets ripped wide open again. Then, after I’ve healed and there’s some emotional distance, I can consider being friends.. but I think it’s just too hard in the beginning of the breakup.

I agree with augustlan, it will hurt like hell, but that’s okay in the long run. Unfortunately, we all have to suffer through the process of things like this, but know that you will come out a stronger, wiser person in the end. In five or ten years, you will look back and be glad you did it, and the pain you feel now will be just a distant memory. It just really sucks now, when you’re in the midst of it.

I think for your sake, you’ve made a good decision.. it sounds like she’s playing racquetball with your heart, maybe not intentionally, but either way, it’s not good for you and I’m sure it feels even worse. Good luck, I hope the anguish passes soon. :)

mee_ouch's avatar

She’s playing a very old game of manipulation. And it appears that she’s winning.
I watched my eldest son go through the same situation. It was very painful to be on the outside looking in. All I could offer was guidance and hope. He made the proper decision. So should you.
I think your head already knows. Your heart just isn’t willing to accept it as of yet.
Distancing yourself will lessen the pain. This I know.
You’ve got a dear heart. Don’t allow it to be further damaged.
Best of luck to you

TheHaight's avatar

Six months really isn’t that long if you were with her for three years. My friend is still not over her exboyfriend and… They were together for four years and it’s been a year since they broke up. They FINALLY cut off all ties with eachother and haven’t talked for nearly a month. You will never get over her if you are still communicating with eachother, because you’re not giving your heart a chance to heal on it’s own. Losing that person you love is (I think) one of the hardest things to go through. You’re 22, and starting out your life! Congrats that you just graduated. Life is too short, like what the previous answers are: take time away from her. Hang out with friends and keep yourself occupied. You can do it.

buster's avatar

Forget about her. You should be putting all your effort into getting new booty. Ignore her. Change your number maybe.

marinelife's avatar

Would you deliberately hit yourself in the head with a hammer? That is what you are doing every time you see this woman.

What she is doing is having her cake and eating it too. She goes out with and sleeps with other men. Then when she is in a lull or needs something, there is good old you ready to be her doormat.

You cannot get over her if you do not move on. Tell her that you need a beak. Stay away from her at least twelve weeks, get some perspective, hang out with guy friends. See how you are feeling at that point.

Even then I would not see her again unless you are totally sure she has realized the error of her ways, and you will be in an exclusive relationship. I think that is a very unlikely outcome.

While the age difference between you may not seem like much, it is what your two respective ages are that makes it a vast gulf in terms of where you are in life and level of maturity.

Judi's avatar

Delete her number from your phone. YOU take charge of the break-up. You deserve better. She will play you along keeping you on the back burner, pulling you out when she need some arm candy as long as you let her. Think back to before you started dating. There are always things a person sacrafices for a relationship. Were you into cars or motorcycles or music or something else that you have let slip for the sake of the relationship? Go back and enjoy those things again. Take you life back and DON“T be available at her becon call. You’re moving on to a new career hopefully. There is no better time than now to make a clean break. You can do so much better, you DESERVE so much better.

arcoarena's avatar

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented. I definitely was trying very hard to not talk to her and while I still have not been able to completely cut her out of my life but the support from you all was enough that I have at least stopped thinking about it so much and have been spending much more time with friends and picking up extra shifts at work to keep me busy.

Thank you again so much. It’s nice to get real emotional support in situations like these. :)

augustlan's avatar

arcoarena: Stay strong! If you need more pushing, you know where to find us ;)

mee_ouch's avatar

Self-conviction and personal strength are two traits we all have within. It is times such as these when you will feel at your most vulnerable and that is what hurts the most. Not one of us is immune to the flood of emotions that love creates. The things which make us human are the very things which test our range of emotions…..time and again.

Just knowing that you may seek out help from your peers is the first step to acknowledging your humanity and the vulnerabilities that accompany it.

Be strong, be safe and listen to your heart.

Jesus_Ezekial_Jesus's avatar

In my opinion, what you have there is not love, but an infection. And some infections must be cut out. You won’t get better unless you remove the infection.

My advice: Go and take a long look in the mirror. Tell yourself over and over, until you believe it in your heart, that she has rejected you. And realize that you deserve better than that. As it stands now, you are letting this girl determine your worth as a man, and it obviously isn’t much in her eyes. Break the cycle, cut out the infection, and move on.

Not easy, I know, because I have tread this path myself recently. But I refuse to let her bleed me any more. No matter how much I love(d) her, I deserve better than she has given me. That is my answer.

Good luck.

snotty's avatar

“I think the relationship is ending but I don’t know how to get over it. I still think about her all the time and whenever I get nervous about losing her or think about her with someone else I text or call her” =yes it definitely does seem that it has ended if she has slept with someone else! Take it from me….in order to get over her you need to separate yourself from her..DO NOT CALL OR TEXT HER…you need to give yourself a lot of time to get over this, you will have a lot of times when you feel lonely and down…do not confuse this lonely feeling with is natural to feel this way, do not give in to it and seek her out, think of yourself what she is doing to you regarding kissing you/being friends with you etc is not good for you or healthy for either of you. Take care of yourself I promise you it will get easier..i am out of a relationship now for nearly a year and i still find it hard but that doesnt mean i made the wrong choice.

snotty's avatar

PS: do lots of nice things for yourself…things that you couldn’t do when you were with her, spend time with friends, talk to people about how you are feeling and keeping a diary also helps to get thOse vented feelings out of your system.

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