I don’t always hold with what is considered “acceptable”, but in my opinion you can do this which ever way you choose, if someone is offended by the way you have chosen to handle your child wedding, they will just have to get over it.

Engagement parties are smaller and more local than the wedding itself, so yes, it is perfectly acceptable to have a much smaller crowd.

Ditto ^

A long time ago I decided to never be offended by whether I was invited to a wedding or similar type party. But, lots of people do. You can’t control if some of the people in your family or some of your friends will be offended or hurt by not being invited. I think if you’re consistent—not inviting anyone out of town, or it only being for the bride and groom’s peers, etc, then you can explain it away if you are put on the spot.

Would you be offended?

I think it’s fine to do a smaller, local engagement party. Just like there will be smaller bridal showers. I think you are safer calling it a shower. Maybe a co-ed wedding shower? I don’t know if that’s ever done? I’ve been to co-ed baby showers. I guess showers are closer to the event though.

I’ve never been to an engagement party. Are gifts given (expected) traditionally at the engagement party?

It is my understanding that everyone invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding but I don’t think the other other is necessary or even desirable.

Yes, it is just the reverse that is bad form (inviting someone to the engagement party, but not the wedding.

You consider X a close enough friend to invite to an engagement party—but then no wedding invitation, just an announcement a year later? This sounds so extremely odd to me that I’m wondering if there’s some other way to read it.

Wait. I now see I misunderstood. I agree that if you’re invited to the engagement party there would be an expectation to be invited to the wedding. The only exception might be a location wedding where only immediate family is invited. A close friend of mine’s son had a location wedding, and not even aunts and uncles were invited (one aunt was very upset about it).

After the newlyweds returned from a 6 week honeymoon, the groom’s parents (my friends) hosted a casual party at their home to celebrate the marriage.

How about save your money, forget the engagement party, and have a bigger wedding so you don’t have to worry about this sort of thing. Close friends can go to bachelor/bachelorette party, and you have the shower(s), and a rehearsal dinner for out of towners and family and those in the wedding, isn’t that enough?

Why don’t you get a book since you are so concerned about wedding etiquette.

@Jeruba You’ve got it backwards. She wants to know if it’s all right to invite her (the parents’) friends to the wedding but not to the engagement party.