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MrGrimm888's avatar

(NSFW)Did Jesus masturbate?

Asked by MrGrimm888 (18996points) July 27th, 2018
19 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

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kritiper's avatar

Yes.
Jay Leno once remarked, and, truthfully I might add, that when asked, 50% of men queried admitted that they masturbate. The other 50% lied about it.

kritiper (25757points)“Great Answer” (3points)
rojo's avatar

Sorry I did not get to answer earlier. I was, um, busy. but yes, there is no reason to believe he did not do so.

I fact, I believe I have heard the term “Immaculate Masturbation” bandied about.

rojo (24179points)“Great Answer” (3points)
Brian1946's avatar

I’ve heard that he didn’t have to, because he had a Harem of Holy Hookers.

Brian1946 (32272points)“Great Answer” (3points)
SQUEEKY2's avatar

If you had his kind of power ,would you?
All you would have to is wish it so and it would be done.

SQUEEKY2 (23118points)“Great Answer” (3points)
kritiper's avatar

My dad told me once that it is called “self abuse” but that he thought it always felt pretty good.

kritiper (25757points)“Great Answer” (1points)
gorillapaws's avatar

LMAO, I just thought of a filthy variant of the omnipotence paradox. I’m sure you’ve heard the question: Can God can create a rock so massive that he’s unable to lift it? Now apply that same logic to Jesus masturbating and trying to last for several minutes.

gorillapaws (30517points)“Great Answer” (1points)
anniereborn's avatar

I dunno, but i bet he could spell it right :p

anniereborn (15511points)“Great Answer” (2points)
rojo's avatar

Which begs the question, prior to the immaculate conception, did God engage in immaculate foreplay with Mary or was it just a case of Omnipotent “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am”?

rojo (24179points)“Great Answer” (3points)
ragingloli's avatar

Nah. He had 12 boyfriends to take care of his “needs”.

ragingloli (51962points)“Great Answer” (1points)
MollyMcGuire's avatar

@rojo The Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Why talk about something of which you are totally ignorant? I understand your point was to be offensive.

MollyMcGuire (7740points)“Great Answer” (0points)
rojo's avatar

No Shit @MollyMcGuire, think you are the only one that has an understanding of Christian Theology?
Sometimes liberties are taken.
Good to know we understand each other though.

rojo (24179points)“Great Answer” (1points)
Dutchess_III's avatar

No reason to think he didn’t.
I never understood why Mary had to be a virgin. What is the logic behind this myth?

Dutchess_III (46811points)“Great Answer” (1points)
Dutchess_III's avatar

@MollyMcGuire How could anyone in America be ignorant about the immaculate conception? It’s not rocket science. There isn’t a whole lot to understand.

Dutchess_III (46811points)“Great Answer” (0points)
ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Did Jesus even exist?

ARE_you_kidding_me (20021points)“Great Answer” (1points)
ragingloli's avatar

Nope.

ragingloli (51962points)“Great Answer” (0points)
Dutchess_III's avatar

Probably not. But love the character. I love how they embodied him with all the wisdom and virtues that could be had during that time. Much of it was ahead of the time.

Dutchess_III (46811points)“Great Answer” (0points)
MrGrimm888's avatar

Ok. So, I didn’t know how to spell something that I’ve done thousands of times…....

MrGrimm888 (18996points)“Great Answer” (3points)
ragingloli's avatar

Happened to me, too, on my question about rope.

ragingloli (51962points)“Great Answer” (2points)
MrGrimm888's avatar

^Lol.

MrGrimm888 (18996points)“Great Answer” (1points)

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