Fluther: Should I move forward with her?

Should I move forward with her?

Asked by jallen0422 (7

) August 9th, 2018
4 responses
“Great Question” (1

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Hi guys. There’s this great girl I’ve fallen for. She is amazing, and we have one hell of a connection. She is 6 years younger than I am ( I am 27, she’s 21) so I know she isn’t as mature as most girls I’m used too.
Problem is, I’m pretty busy most times. She immediately thinks I don’t want to talk to her, and she says if I don’t want to talk to her, just tell her, she’ll leave. I don’t think she quite understands it’s not that.
She has been through a lot, a tough time as a teenager (family issues) and have been hurt most of her life. But she is also beautiful, amazing and because of her overcoming so much, I think she’s a warrior.
I’m not quite sure why she might be coming off as clingy- is it her age? or her past? is this a warning sign I should stay away from?
Any input would be great!
Thanks,
J

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Topics: girls, love, behavior, dating, advice, boys

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Answers

You might want to have this conversation with her so she will know what to expect when she texts you and you’re busy:

When she sends you a text, explain you are busy, but you will respond when you know you will have a break. Then set your timer on your phone to remind you to respond at that time. Be consistent and that will give her security knowing that you are not rejecting her.

snowberry (27656

)“Great Answer” (6

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Yes, she’s clingy. It probably comes from her immaturity. That’s what happens when you date someone significantly younger than you. Younger partners take a LOT of patience because they haven’t been through the life experiences that gives them maturity. They often lack the self confidence that helps them to not be clingy.

You should NOT change yourself to fit her needs. This should be a 2 way street. You be you & give her the room to be her & eventually the 2 of you will GROW together. One of 2 things will happen…(1) you 2 will grow closer or (2) you 2 will grow apart. Either way, you will be following your life path &will grow as a person!!! Sometimes the person we feel closest to are not there to be our life partner. Instead, they are there to help us prepare for the day we do meet our life partner!!!

Learn to pick & choose your battles by what is most “important” to you!!! There’s nothing wrong with giving into her whims as long as you’re NOT giving up part of yourself!!! Be good to her, be kind to her; but NEVER give more than “you ” have to give!!! In other words, don’t ALLOW her to take more of you than you feel you can “give” her!!! She may well end up being your life’s partner & she may well give you the life experiences to lead you to your real life partner!!!

I’m speaking from experience as my first love was extremely abusive & I left an emotional cripple. I spent the next 25–30 years blaming him for every bad mistake I made. Then at the 30 year mark, I met my soulmate who helped me to be happier than I had EVER been!!! From this happiness, I gave up all the hurt & pain that I had been carrying with me & realized had it not been for my abusive husband, I would NOT have been at the right place at the right time to meet the BEST thing that had EVER happened to me. So, In my realization that the WORST thing that ever happened to me set me on my path to find the absolute BEST thing in my life, my hatred faded away!!! Now I often laugh when I think about the meanest man in the world introducing me to the sweetest man in the world without meaning to do so!!! LoL

LadyMarissa (16089

)“Great Answer” (2

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