Fluther: What do I do with this woman?

What do I do with this woman?

Asked by Klertt (111

) October 24th, 2018
21 responses
“Great Question” (3

)

I am 24 years old and I have never had a girlfriend in my life. And it’s not that I’m not interested in women because there are several that I like but I have not managed to have a girlfriend. It’s not that I’m desperate and I do not want to make a big fuss about not having a girlfriend but it seems very strange that I have not had one until now and that I do not know how to safeguard and I’m starting to worry because everybody talks about it and I feel silly and inferior. I have seen that even people younger than me have more experience.

Since about 2 months, I have the feeling that a girl at school is watching me but I’m not sure about it. On one occasion I was sitting on a bench and turned around automatically because I felt a look and I saw her but quickly she turned around so I’m not sure. If she were clearer, more explicitly I could be sure that she really looks at me but since it’s not like that I have my doubts.
This surprises me a lot because she is very pretty and I have never felt that I am attractive in the least.
The last time I saw her was last week. She went to my side but did not turn to see me although it was obvious that she was avoiding eye contact on purpose because she did see me. What do I do? How do you think she interpreted the fact that I did not speak to her(or anything)? . She is really very pretty, and you can see that she is very social because I always see her with friends, very rarely do I see her alone, I do not think she is shy or anything like that, I think she could be with the man she would like . These things make me think that she has a lot of experience in this relationship so she would quickly realize my mistakes and that I do not have experience and that I do not have the slightest idea what to do. And I’m afraid this will make me run away from me (something similar has happened to me already).

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Answers

When was the FIRST time you noticed her? I’m concerned that you may be reading something into events that are not there.

Dutchess_III (46811

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Sounds like she may not be your type.

josie (30934

)“Great Answer” (1

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Why do I feel like we’ve already encountered this person several times in the last week @josie?

Dutchess_III (46811

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First of all, experience doesn’t count for a whole lot, either you click or you don’t.

Second, handsome is in the eye of the beholder and even if you were ugly, you may have a beautiful spirit and a terrific personality. I almost married a man that is not model goodlooking but our chemistry was undeniable. One thing he had was a big brilliant mind that was a complete turn on.

Third, you need to try to build your confidence. Confidence in any man is very appealing to many women. If you think she may be interested, just ask her if she’d like to go for a coffee. The worst she can say is no.

Good luck!!

KNOWITALL (29689

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Dutchess_III I´m not sure if i understand you.
The first time i see her at college was 6 months ago (more or less). But the first time i notice she was watching me was about 2 months ago.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (1

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josie Why? What this means exactly?

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (1

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Don’t take our opinions too seriously. The only way to know if she is interested is to make a friendly gesture by smiling and talking to her. ask her about the homework or if she wants to get coffee. Or just make a comment about school. See how she responds and take it from there. She may or may not be interested but it’s worth a try. Good luck!

janbb (62875

)“Great Answer” (1

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Next time you see her, stand up, turn towards her, smile, and walk up to her. Stand a few feet away, and say,“hi! I have noticed you and am interested in getting to know you. Would you like to meet me on Friday (or another day that works for you) at XX cafe for a cup of coffee (or tea) ?”

If she says yes, say “Great, I’ll see you at 11”.

If she says, “can’t that day” ask her what is a good day

If she says “no”, smile, say “okay”. and then walk away, and don’t think of her again.

zenvelo (39429

)“Great Answer” (5

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I feel bad for men because they face so much rejection when dating. You have to just be brave and make the moves, if it doesn’t go well shake it off! Easier said than done, I know.

I think you should take a risk and talk to her, and eventually ask her out. Just be prepared that she might act like your crazy, if she is a good person she will politely decline, or, the best scenario, she will say yes!

It’s ok that you haven’t had a girlfriend. The right girl won’t care about that either. When I met my boo he had never been in a relationship and we have been together for 12 years!

We met in school and he said he knew me for years and I never noticed him :o He thought I was out of his league but one day he decided he’d rather know I rejected him than never know if he missed an opportunity. Well, he obviously wasn’t out of my league cuz here we are married!

Good luck!

BackinBlack (1207

)“Great Answer” (2

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Correction:
Where says: ”... I do not know how to safeguard”
Must says: “I even don´t know how to get it”

I’m sorry the english is not my mother tongue and i’m using a transeler.
PS: I thank you all of you that had answer my question.
I have a lot of questions for your responses, but takes my a lot of time formulateit.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (4

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See her as a friend first, then the pressure to be perfect etc will go away.
Introduce yourself so that she may reciprocate as well into an interesting conversation of discovery about each others interests etc.

Inspired_2write (14486

)“Great Answer” (1

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janbb
In fact i should take your opinios very seriously because i do not have anyone to
tell these things or ask for help and advices.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (1

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@KNOWITALL
If what you say abou personality is true then i´m screwd

There a lot of people around me that hates me, a lot of people that
evades me, even people that i know that ignores me even when i´m in front of them.

I dont understand nothing about this chemistry. Im not able to have largue conversations, even when i want.
Talk with people its hard to me.The most of the times when im in a conversation i just say short sentences.
When i try to talk with people i simply fail, i make questions to the other person or try to say something
funny but the conversation does not flux despite all my efforts. I see other persons having good talks
with other people(even with the people with that i had tried before) very easyly. And That makes me so angry.

What do you mean he has a brilliant mind? Because I know very smart people who are very bad talking
to women. I study a career in science, I spend a lot of my time solving math problems and no woman has
ever been interested in me. When i say that i study science people thinks that i’m very smart
(i dont think so), then i dont understand what it means brilliant mind”.

About confidence. I think that if its necesary i can go to talk to whoever it is as long
as I know what to say. But this is not a such case.

@josie
Right now i think nobody is my type.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (4

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@Inspired_2write
Hi. I understand this :“See her as a friend first, then the pressure to be perfect etc will go away.”
I agree with you, i think this is a giood idea. The problem is that i have tried this before with other girl and i failed. Now she evades me.
But thank you for your advice.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (2

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@zenvelo
Hi, i have smiled other girls before, and that doesn’t works
I thought that idea before but what if a do her a standar invitation to take cofee or something like that and she says no because in her mind she think something like:
“he is a poor loser that even do not know how to talk women, or how to invite me to somewhere, its an stupid novice and i dont want to
know nothinbg about he never again”). I have experiences like that before.

Thank you.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (1

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@Klertt I think you might improve your social skills more by joining some clubs that have others that share your interests. It is easier to make friends and possibly girl friends if you first get to know people through a shared interest where you might find it easier to talk. You can build up your confidence that way.

janbb (62875

)“Great Answer” (2

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@BackinBlack
Yes, you get it. I have experienced a lot of rejection all my life. I feel with the time its more dificulty overpass it. At first i can ignore it very easy, but now after a bunch of rejections i dont know wath the heck its happening.
That’s why today I think I should prepare myself and think that I’m going to do or say before launching myself to do it.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (2

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@janbb

Hi. That idea is new, i’ve never tried it. I could try, but I have few interests and i’ve noticed that a very few number of girls share it. Furthermore, at the begin it sounds sensible but from what I have seen it seems that people who have partners (men and women) more easily do not have many interests, I have noticed that if they have interests these are few and that those few interests are very simple(sports, music, etc.).
I have also seen that many times people with few physical abilities (poor balance, bad for sports, weak people) are the ones who do better in this.

Evenmore two weeks ago I listened to a guy who does a lot of exercise(and is in a very good shape) and has good social skills that was very difficult to get a couple, and he was noticing that women seemed more interested in man that are fat, without physical condition, and ugly.

So, i´m very very confused.

Klertt (111

)“Great Answer” (1

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Response moderated (Writing Standards)

The first thing you should understand is that women have many differences from one another.
Just because some seem to ignore you does not mean all women will feel the same.
I think you should try a bold approach. Walk right up to the woman, and say something like, “Pardon my forward demeanor, but I am finding my life quite unsatisfactory lately. I believe a new friend would improve my outlook. Could you be persuaded to consider a friendship with me?”
If she says yes, then go ahead with an invitation.
If she says no, apologize for wasting her time, and walk away with your head up. Never appear defeated when a woman says no. If you show a sense of failure, you remove any chance to change her mind. Women do often change our minds about many things, including men.

Don’t let your age be a hurdle for you.

Patty_Melt (17513

)“Great Answer” (0

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Those were good points. Even if we say “No,” we now know of you and we’ll be watching. If you stomp off with an angry scowl, we will go to great lengths to avoid you (you scare us.) If you walk a way with confidence and good humor, we’ll keep watching you to see how you interact with other people. Then, you never know, we may approach you next, having changed our minds.

Dutchess_III (46811

)“Great Answer” (1

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