Am I a loser? A little background about me. When I turned 23 years old, I got hired on with a fire department and at first, it was great, and I enjoyed my time there, but the issue was the pay. I never moved out of my parents’ house and I finally was able to pay for my first vehicle with this job that cost me roughly 21k. I felt like I was going on the right path with finally buying my dream car and having some money saved up for emergencies, so I was planning on moving out until I saw that I was unable to live on my own with the salary I was given. So, this led me to go to nursing school while still working at the fire department. Long story short halfway through me pre-requites, the fire department fired me due to conflict of interest. I was devasted because even though my car was paid off, I still needed a steady income to pay for college. Well, this is when everything started to roll downhill. I’m at the point in my life where I’m coming close to turning 24 and I crashed my vehicle due to poor weather conditions and lost traction with the road. Minor damage to the vehicle but since it was a sports car the damage too it was not worth the repair according to my insurance company. Luckily, I got all the money back I paid for the car, but that money went towards school, so I did not end up going into debt. Now I have about 3k in the bank without a car and a part-time ambulance job and still living at home with mom and dad. I turned 25 in November and I have been constantly applying to fire departments and trade jobs just looking for anything at this point. I am currently in the process of finding a car to go into a payment plan. Something cheap like a used Honda Civic, Toyota Camry or Nissan Versa. I am currently enrolled in a paramedic class which I won’t graduate until 2020 and I’ll be close to 27 years old at that time and I do not want to have to wait that long for me to get back on somewhere. I lost my fire certifications due to them lapsing because I was not working anymore as a firefighter and I do not have the money to pay to get them back through schooling right now so I am hoping to get into a departments rookie school, but I feel like my past mistakes is preventing me from having a future. I feel like a loser still living at home with my parents even though I am trying my best not too. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I just want to get out of this depression and get hired on somewhere because currently working 60 hours a week just to make 30k a year.

The only thing I have going for me right now which is a tremendous blessing is my father’s mom and dad who is my grandparents have a house here in Georgia with the mortgage paid off. We were blessed by family members who died who gave some money from the will to help pay off my grandparents’ house. Since my grandpa died of Alzheimer’s last year, my parents and grandmother are all planning on leaving Georgia to move to Pennsylvania to be closer to family members. We are currently in the process of selling the house and my parents are blessing me with my grandparents’ house. They never said they will give me the deed, but they said they are letting me stay in that house for however long I need or want. I can also do some remodeling if I want. All I have to do is pay for the utilities of course. So, this is a huge blessing and I cannot ask for me even though I am complaining. The reason for this is because I feel like I am salvaging off my parents even though I do not want too. All their hard work I feel like is just being given to me and I feel like a loser for this and a bum. My mom says not too but I just can’t help it. My past mistakes eat at me constantly and it makes me feel like a failure even though my parents are preventing this. I look at it like everyone else in this world works hard and the majority are not blessed with a house like me but that’s why I feel this way. I’ve always been the guy who works hard and earns what I get and I never and I mean never asked for anything in my life. I always hated too. Even on holidays like Christmas, I never asked for anything because I liked earning my own stuff.
The question I am just trying to ask is am I a loser? Am I a failure at life for this? Did I fail my parents? I am working towards my paramedic to get back on with a fire department and maybe one day work as a flight medic part-time and in my forties bridge from my paramedic to my RN and work full time as an RN while part-time flight medic. I just want to get back on with a fire department in the meantime and put in 15–20 years to save money since I do not have a mortgage to worry about. I just hate coming home now late at night from a hard day of work because I feel like I shouldn’t still be with mom and dad.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I tried to keep it short because I did leave out a lot of information because I just wanted to share the brief of it. Thank you again for anyone who reads and replies to this.