Jack, save yourself the trouble. Just give me half the money, and be done with it.
But I see you are a gambler, with the instincts of a gambler, and a gambler’s approach to the world. Did you make your own money in some kind of lucky way, or inherit it? Risk excites you, I bet. It makes you high. You feel alive!
I wonder if you have an idea in mind of when you’ll die? What kind of time horizon are we talking about? Is it a live fast, die young kind of thing? Do you know what’s going to kill you? I’m just trying to figure out why you seem to need instant gratification financially speaking.
I don’t know you, Jack, and I don’t mean you any harm. I find you to be a bit of a mystery. So I’m going to indulge myself in some amateur pschologizing. It’s probably totally off base.
However, if someone forced me to guess, I’d say you are somewhat distant from yourself. Maybe even feel like there’s the public you, and then there’s the real you inside watching the public you, and somehow the two can’t quite believe they are actually related. You keep looking for feelings, even bad feelings—anything, so long as it is strong. But it ain’t happening.
You remind me of the characters in Jerzy Kosinsky’s books. The one that nearly was killed in WWII, when Nazi’s broke in. He escaped, but he had all kinds of traumatic adventures after that, and he got rather distant from his environment and from people, so he could survive. It became all about survival, and there wasn’t room for anything else, and then when he did survive, he couldn’t find the parts of him that were concerned with other things besides survival.