There is a line of thought out there (sorry, I have no sources) that points out that some of the things we say to try to be helpful, may in fact be ‘invalidating’ or denying a person’s right to feel what they need to feel, or feel naturally.

For instance, if you are attempting to give support to someone expresses their worries or fears, and you say, “That’s silly!” and suggest a more realistic point of view…

Or if someone’s pet dies, and you tell them to “cheer up” or “Don’t be sad because…”

Or, for that matter, saying “Don’t be sad… ‘cause two out of three ain’t bad.” is “invalidating” a person’s natural feelings, when in fact we should be validating and sympathizing a person’s right to feel how they feel.

I agree strongly with that line of thinking.

But what about trying to assure someone by saying, “Don’t be afraid.” or “Don’t worry,” or “Don’t be embarrassed?

If you are completely in control and can take care of what is worrying someone, why not say, “Don’t worry, I can help with that. I can fix that problem…” or “Don’t worry, you can fix this…” a form of invalidation?

What about telling someone not to be embarrassed because what they may be ashamed of doesn’t matter to you, to whom they assumed would show them lacking or inferior…

What about assuring a child not to be afraid—because you won’t let anything happen to them… or giving them a more realistic perspective of what they may be afraid of is not going to happen?

I always thought telling someone not to be afraid is a way to assure or comfort someone. Telling someone their fear is “silly” of course, would be invalidation.

Or maybe we could say, “I know you’re afraid, but…”

But isn’t it okay to simply say, “Don’t be afraid… because…” (if it’s something really NOT to be feared) or “Don’t be embarrassed… here’s what happened to me…” or “Don’t worry… we can fix this…”

Is THAT invalidation? To tell someone not to be afraid?