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dopeguru's avatar

Why do I feel awful when I'm slightly rude to someone who was very wrong?

Asked by dopeguru (1928points) May 5th, 2019
9 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

I can’t even sleep well if I made someone feel worthless a bit. This may be someone who is very wrong, who was very rude to me, who abused me, whatever… I just feel awful after I call them out because even if this person was wrong and hurt me I don’t want them to be hurt at all because of me. I’m in tears writing this. This happens to me with anyone! I even feel awful when I’m slightly mean to my cat. Or if I pet her a bit too hard or if I ignore her when I enter my house. I put myself in her shoes afterwards and think how her life must be like, and I just have to treat her like a queen instantly to make her forget how I acted.

I just want to know why I am like this and if its irrational!

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LadyMarissa's avatar

In my eyes, it shows that you’re a caring & sensitive person!!! I don’t see it as irrational; however, it does sound like you might take it to extremes!!! I see it as a good trait to have as long as you don’t allow it to rule your life. YOU are responsible for you & you’re the ONLY one who can control when you choose to feel bad. The truth is that the other person is sleeping well because they don’t care what you think & care even less that you spoke up for yourself as they feel that they are ALWAYS right!!!

I think it is important to speak your mind when you feel something/someone is wrong, They may not care what you think; but, they will know what it is you think. Keeping quiet indicates that you’re support them & their rudeness/attitude. I find remaining quiet to be a LOT more irrational that speaking your mind!!!

Oh yes, STOP beating yourself up for NOT thinking like a jerk!!!

seawulf575's avatar

@LadyMarissa got it when she said you are a caring and sensitive person. However, I think you are viewing it as somehow wrong to say things to people that they might view as hurtful. If someone is rude, is it hurtful to you? Would you view that as being wrong? It might be that they don’t realize they are being rude. Telling them might stop them from spreading that rudeness to others.
It sounds like you are way too wrapped up in how others are feeling and all the possible ways your interaction with them might make them feel. There’s an old saying: You can’t please everyone all the time. I would suggest you can’t please everyone…period. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. I would suggest you think about what you consider a good person to be and just act that way. If someone thinks you say something that is hurtful, that is on them. If someone is rude, it is okay to tell them they are rude. You don’t have to say it in a mean way…you don’t have to match their rudeness. But they might need to hear it.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I don’t like that behavior in others and if and when someone gets that reaction out of me to offset there rudeness it makes me angry that I stooped to there low level and that is why I felt bad in giving them back what they are to me.
Its not in my nature to be a person that is rude in anyway so it caused me uneasiness to stoop.
I was like that sensitive a lot when a child and growing up and in seniors years realize that it was my childhood upbringing where we as children were yelled at a lot for anything minor.
It was an uncomfortable experience growing up with a ticking time bomb in my parents raising us. I realize now that they were stressed due to circumstances beyond there control and that this was there way of coping. It was wrong, but it was in the past and gone forever. Both parents have passed away and regretted there behaviors.

josie's avatar

Subconsciously, you know your mom would be disappointed

kritiper's avatar

You care too much and your conscience/guilt kicks your butt for it. A rarity these days but you are not alone. You’ll get over it, for the most part, in time.

Zaku's avatar

Compassion is great in many ways, but it sounds like you’re also suffering from something else.

The people I have known who have had similar severe self-hyper-criticism mostly got it from their parents. They were trained in various ways that it was dreadful and/or shameful for themselves to be unkind to others (or variations on that – maybe it’s dreadful for them to be selfish, or angry, or outspoken).

stanleybmanly's avatar

You just need more practice. Nothing beats repetition when it comes to building callous indifference.

MrGrimm888's avatar

GA’s above. I would add that compassionate people need to stick up for themselves too. Such people can become punching bags, and that isn’t right.

Some people need to be “told about themselves.”

JLeslie's avatar

Because you’re a good person.

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