Social Question

LostInParadise's avatar

Might this be a good approach for handling disagreements?

Asked by LostInParadise (31904points) May 29th, 2019
36 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

This site categorizes causes of disagreement. If you have two groups of people who disagree on an issue, instead of each side trying to convert the other (most likely fruitless), why not make an effort to identify the causes of disagreement? This breaks the disagreement into its atomic elements. The result is the clarification of the areas of disagreement, and perhaps even a greater understanding of why the other sides believes the way it does.

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KNOWITALL's avatar

Good article. I can appreciate that we have different experiences and knowledge and that perhaps we see things from a vastly different perspective based on region/ party, etc… I’m not sure that your article addresses the antagonism from the Dems that many of us experience however.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Interesting but sort of naive.

The article lays out various approaches to handling disagreements in an academic sense. My sense of the article is that it addresses and approach for people (arguers) who already disagree but want to reach some common ground.

Where it’s naive (or perhaps idealistic) is how to deal with people who don’t have a desire to engage, who don’t have a goal of reaching common ground. The people who argue because they love to argue, and are so caught up in the philosophy they’re espousing that no logic or approach will get through.

Here I disagree with @KNOWITALL – I feel a good bit of antagonism and arrogance coming from Repubs – vehemence and blindness is a trait shared by both populations here.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@elbanditoroso After Kavanaugh and then Mueller’s report, I feel many are just done with the Dem outrage.

LostInParadise's avatar

@elbanditoroso , There has to be an agreement by both sides to accept the approach.

@elbanditoroso, @KNOWITALL, Do we have a test case here for applying the method?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@LostInParadise My allergies are killing me today, not quite the clearest head for ‘debate’.

Catch me next time though, I think @elbanditoroso and I could do it. Same with @JLeslie. They are both levelheaded most of the time and I respect their right to their opinions, even when we differ.

stanleybmanly's avatar

@KNOWITALL Your allergies have apparently confused you into believing this some mere partisan squabble. This isn’t about “Dem outrage”, and you do yourself a great disservice in handing the Democrats the high ground. The outrage is with the proposition that a man with the character of a banana slug will “make America great again”.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

@KNOWITALL You don’t see a disagreement but you see a winner take all, in your eyes the winner isn’t going to be any liberals or Democrats. All you see is you winning from your viewpoint.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@stanleybmanly @Tropical_Willie Blah blah blah. I voted both parties in the past and think they’re both mostly crooked. If it comes down to Trump and Biden, good luck.

ucme's avatar

Why would anyone even remotely consider stifling debate anyway?
What a horrible, sickly sweet world that would be.

LostInParadise's avatar

I am not suggesting doing away with debate, but there are some issues where people are so far apart that it may be helpful to pinpoint what the differences are. There are times here where people seem to be talking past each other. It might be interesting one time to see where the method leads.

Demosthenes's avatar

The information in the article is all very valid and I often will reference such information when in a debate (if, for example, I feel I am being misunderstood or the other person is debating poorly). The problem with this as any kind of “solution” is the fact that people who debate often set out to “convert” so they’re not interested in remedying any disagreement. They’re just out to clobber the other side.

LostInParadise's avatar

Precisely. Wouldn’t be nice if, occasionally, the emphasis was on understanding what the differences are rather than trying to clobber the other side?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Interesting article. I know it’s happened here too, but sometimes two people will argue and argue and argue…then it finally hits one of them that they’re on the same side! They agree with each other, but they couldn’t recognize the other person’s perception because it was different from their own.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@LostInParadise Yes it would. We have some real fruitloops on this site.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

@KNOWITALL Are Ya “WINNING” with the fruitloops ?

ucme's avatar

I mean, if you’re bringing up stuff from here then i’d say most of those disagreements come from just not liking the other person, nothing going to change that one track mind.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Tropical_Willie I always win! haha

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Like was said before you only see winning! There is no compromise, death to the loser

And winner takes all ! Hope you at least eat the fallen.

kritiper's avatar

That might be nice to some but to others it would not draw a final conclusion/answer/apodosis. In fact, it might only serve to further cloud the issue

Stache's avatar

I like Fruit Loops.

But really, once name calling is involved you lose all credibility.

Pinguidchance's avatar

The link is to “Seven causes of disagreement” however the heading of the article is “Eight causes of disagreement”.

I tend to agree that there are always at least two sides who disagree. Am I right?

Fruitloops and Fluther, Jentacular and Tentacular, Muesli and Meaning.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am in a real life situation now and this comes to mind.
Habitat is having their annual ice cream social as a fund raiser. This will be the first one I have participated in.
I volunteered to bring ice cream. Through email I asked, “How much and what kind?”
The response was “We usually have several different flavors, including sugar free.”
That did not help me at all. Do I bring giant tubs like they have at Braums? Or do I bring small boxes you get at the grocery store? Or the round plastic handy dandy tubs you get at grocery stores? How man of each?

In answer to my question of what kind, she used the word “Several,” and that meant 0 to me.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Ask how many people attended 10 or 1000 ?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Good question. Thanks @Tropical_Willie.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I also asked if they had anyplace to keep it frozen. She answered that she will have some ice coolers that she hopes will work. I don’t think so! I emailed the city, and they do have power in some places in the park we’ll be having it in.
Rick and I have been looking to replace our huge stand up, fridge sized freezer with a much smaller chest freezer. I’ll redouble my efforts in finding one, and we can use that.

I’m afraid to bring up too many ideas because I’m a newbie…..

stanleybmanly's avatar

I can’t believe you. Don’t you ever learn? Round up whoever the sucker was last year and begin pumping them for information. You can store the ice cream in big coolers with dry ice, but If I were you, I would line up some teenagers to scoop the stuff. Otherwise your old arm will fall off within 20 minutes. Start building up the muscles in both wrists and arms NOW. I can’t believe it. Ideally, I would try to trick some local ice cream parlor into “catering” the affair for a reasonable cut of the take.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, the #1, who I did not get along with, has been replaced with the #2. #2 is the one telling us what to bring. She isn’t any better in communicating than #1 was. Again, there seems to be an assumption that I already know what I’m doing.
It’s an all volunteer event. We’re on a really tight budget. Plus that isn’t my call.

stanleybmanly's avatar

So YOU are expected to run and organize it?

Dutchess_III's avatar

No. #2 is sending out emails to everyone in the organization asking for volunteers. She’s the one organizing and running it.
I volunteered to bring ice cream (out of my pocket I assume.) I just don’t have the faintest damn idea how much to bring, though and I can’t seem to get a straight answer.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The others must know the drill. Who brought ice cream last time? And I truly hope you only have to BRING the ice cream.

Dutchess_III's avatar

But #2 is the one in charge of the event! I’m not going to go around her to talk to a bunch of other people. That wouldn’t be right.

I’m sure I’ll be dipping, too, and doing whatever else is needed. That event isn’t for a couple of weeks. However, we have an event THIS Sunday where greenery, flowers, whatever are needed to fill up jars to make table center pieces. It’s for this dinner event called a Garden Party. Well, I’m sure I could get a bunch from florists around town who are throwing them out, but how do I keep them fairly fresh until Sunday?
.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I would be wary of throwaway flowers. It’s just too easy to be ambushed with surprises. Better to explain to the florist. Habitat has a solid rep. Offer the proprieter free eats and laudable mention from the p a system for their generosity. Depending on the turnout it might be great advertising. Promise them (if necessary) a placard to be conspicuously posted Flowers courtesy of…

I thought Habitat would be about swinging hammers. Looks like they found themselves a “live one”.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am not in a position to offer things for free.

And much of Habitat IS about swinging hammers, which is why I thought my clerical and computer skills would be useful. I thought they don’t get many volunteers at that end.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I realize YOU can’t give stuff away, but the organization can certainly encourage local businesses to “support a worthy cause”. I swear that I get hit up often enough and I’m nobody’s billionaire.

jca2's avatar

What would be good is if someone from Habitat went to local businesses and asked for sponsorship. There would be a flyer and the business name would be put into the flyer. “We thank our corporate sponsors” or “We thank our local sponsors” and they put the business name and logo. So ice cream may be donated by local supermarkets, flowers donated by local florists, etc. That’s how the business can promote themselves, as well, so people go there.

As for buying ice cream, the question is not only how many people attend but also how many people will be bringing ice cream. Will ten people be bringing it? If ten bring 3 containers each, that’s 30 containers. If 5 will be bringing it, and you need 30 containers, then obviously you need 6 each.

I agree the person in charge needs to be more specific. I would press for details.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Good thoughts about the local businesses, @jca2. I’ll bring it up at the next meeting.

It’s been my experience that when I press for details people get aggravated with me, and I don’t like that.

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