That sucks Dutch. It hurts my heart, to hear that story…
One of my friends who killed himself, was a Veterinarian. In his first attempt at killing himself, he drank a bottle of euthasol. An injectable chemical, designed to kill mammals. He was found, almost dead, with a .45 cal handgun in his lap. His legs were crossed, and his right side of his body was sunburned, from sitting against a building.
I have no idea what the gun was for. No idea why he wanted to die. He had just had lasix surgery, to make him see normally, and took survival skills courses. He had also just gotten married. He worked at the Emergency Veterinarian Hospital, that I worked at, at the time. We all loved him. He was kind, and a VERY good doctor. He was a good man. He has a great heart.
They only found him before he died, because he texted his wife goodbye. She drove two hours to find him, and when she did, he was pretty much dead. He was taken to the ER, and ended up in ICU, for a month. The doctors weren’t sure how to treat him. Nobody had ever drank euthasol. He had a trachea tube placed, and was in a coma, for weeks. We all visited him ,over, and over. We cried our eyes out, all the time. In fact, I’ve got tears in my eyes right now, just talking about it. His newly wed wife, stayed with him, the whole time. I saw her every time I went to visit him, in the ICU. She told me, he was always the happiest, when he was working with us. Helping animals, and saving them.
I consider myself an expert at reading people. But I NEVER picked up any level of depression from him. He was an ex military guy. Always calm, and was a brilliant emergency surgeon. He went above, and beyond, to save wildlife, and stray animals.
We had a stray kitten come in once, that had been mauled by a dog. Any other vet, would have euthanized it. I have a soft spot for orange cats, and he could tell that I wanted this one to live, and I would have adopted it. So. He did everything he could, to save it’s life, despite it’s injuries. In the end, it died on the operating table. I cried my eyes out, when we couldn’t save him. But I knew, we did everything we could, because of that doctor. He consoled me… Because it was a stray, he didn’t make a penny off of his hours of work, to save it. He did what he could, because of my feelings. He was just a great fucking guy.
When we found out that he had tried to kill himself, it hurt me deeply. And I visited him often, in the ICU. Often, I just cried, with his wife, and told her how amazing he was.
He eventually recovered. He had lost the use of one of his legs, from having his legs crossed, while he lay dying. He was fired from our hospital, because he stole the euthasol(a controlled substance,)that he tried to kill himself with.
He later worked, at a regular veterinary clinic, for several years. But I eventually found out that he had killed himself, with a hand gun.
None of it made any sense.
Why fix your eyes, get married, and take survival courses, just to kill yourself?
His death, left a dark stain, on everyone who worked with him’s heart.
My uncle killed himself, because he couldn’t stop stealing from his mother. He was hooked on crack.
My other friend, killed himself on the birthday, of one our friend’s, who had recently died. That was just a year ago.
All of these suicides, are arrows in my heart, that cannot be removed.
My point is that killing yourself, hurts everyone you know…
Sorry for the long rant…