I see defensiveness constantly, everywhere. Some recent examples include:

“So I forgot to buy milk. At least I don’t leave clothes everywhere, like some people.”

“I was way too busy to call today, would it kill you to think of my schedule sometimes?”

“Why are you even talking about this again?” or, my favourite:

“I didn’t say you’re an idiot, I said it’s like I’m talking to a moron!”

I’m happy to note none of that was aimed at me.

I’m wondering why we get defensive, when it so obviously doesn’t work. I have had much better experiences just staying truthful and owning mistakes, oversights, and character flaws. And yet, when I feel very worried about something I did, I certainly feel the impulse to reject responsibility.

Why is that? Do you have any theories?

Topics: relationships, psychology, people, communication, human behavior, guilt, arguing, mistakes, responsibility, discussion