As a parent of 3, there are plenty of opportunities like this. I never invalidate my kids feelings or emotions. That response you describe seems designed to either engender a mistrust in one’s own feelings or a feeling of insecurity that the parents are not to be trusted with such details about emotions.

This doesn’t mean that you validate the content of the concerns. But saying that there is no reason to be scared or to “just think positive thoughts” is really troubling. There are ways to empathize with someone and truly hear why they may be scared without saying that the reasons to be scared are justified. Sometimes just being heard – really heard – is enough to take the edge of that fear. And then the process of discussing whether the fear is justified can happen.

I have heard parents dismiss their kids fears, sadness, and happiness and explain it all away for them, as though a reasoned argument from someone else is more valuable a guide to their emotions.

Avoidance.

There is of course no meaningful answer to a question in which context is essential yet absent.

Depends on the person and circumstance, but generally I tend to avoid overly emotional people.

I am often unaware.

I think most people mask their feelings most of the time. Especially in service oriented professions, people find it necessary to, “mask” true feelings.

So, in regards to response, I think knowing someone’s feelings is need to know. I would imagine most of us hurt someone unknowingly every day or nearly. I think most of us would regret it if we only knew.

I tend to a pragmatic response. I am the “It sucks, and I hate that is sucks, but we are powerless to stop (whatever)”.

My daughter confided something about school well after anything could be done. It haunts me still that I didn’t know, and therefore didn’t help. I ache over knowing what she went through alone. I know I wouldn’t dream of belittling what had upset her so.

It depends. It just depends.

Sometimes I cry with them, sometimes I am annoyed.

I’m an empath. I feel what others are feeling and act accordingly.

The best is to just listen to the person. Paraphrase a little so they know you are hearing and understanding them. Most people just want to vent and feel understood.

I usually try to show empathy, I’ll tell an example of a similar experience I’ve been through to demonstrate my understanding, because this helps me when others do that for me, but it can backfire! Some people see it as competing or making it about me instead of them. I learned that the hard way. You need to know your audience.

Sometimes I might try to give them facts that I think will reduce their fears, but that only works with some people, and it depends what they are worried about.

Mostly, I think we want to help guide the person out of their discomfort, but sometimes letting them be uncomfortable is the best thing we can do for them.

Someone very upset by loss I usually match their upset to some extent. If they cry I’m likely going to tear up too.

Part of my reaction depends on my relationship. If my husband was anxious about something I would cuddle with him. Physical touch brings down our heart rate and blood pressure, so there is real reason to think it’s effective, but mostly it is just my natural response.

When people are very emotional all the time about so many things it’s hard to watch them torture themselves. I completely understand feeling anxious and out of control with fear, but I also thankfully was able to work my way out of that feeling in many cases, and so sometimes I try to give advice on that. People helped me with it. The person has to believe they can handle things with less emotion though, most people who are highly emotional don’t believe it. They don’t believe they can change their brain. I don’t doubt that some brains are more hard wired than others.

@Jonsblond I know how you feel

I avoid confrontation because I don’t know how to express concern even though it hurts me too that they’re hurting.