Crying. I never cry, so if you see me cry, I’m having a melt down.

When I stand up to people.

Arguing with others about it in efforts (of self denial/disbelief/panic/wishful thinking) to convince others that it’s all BS.

Just a bit of anxiety and disbelief.
This is worse than any terrorist it cares nothing for race or class.

I generally follow the same pattern:

feeling overwhelmed > feeling unappreciated and/or taken advantage of > feeling resentful > sarcasm and/or ranting > snapping at any perceived slight > blowing up, scaring the crap out of myself and others > sinking into this dire mental state where nothing matters and I just want to burn every fucking thing to the ground.

I’ve gone through all of those multiple times in my life. It’s oddly cathartic, but also really toxic and damaging.

I can usually see it coming and diffuse it in the early two or three stages by spending time alone or doing some kind of self care (nap, get a haircut, walk, get a massage, etc.).

Now however,given circumstances, those options are limited.

If I ever hug a member of our house staff, you have my permission to label me as officially “panicky”

When I cry after going to five stores for toilet paper and come home with none.

Not to mention, looking up toilet paper on Ebay for crying out loud.

Things I do already:

checking the news more regularly; waking up during the night; worrying a lot about loved ones; preparing and then freezing different meals because it feels soothing; becoming stressed more easily; ordering TP from Amazon

Things I hopefully won’t do:

turn my basement into a makeshift shelter/hospital; visciously attack those who continue to party and organize huge playgroups for kids; start hoarding lentils; try to inject myself with baking soda to kill the virus; overwhelm the medical system with minor complaints

I’ll let you know if I get there.

If I start wanting company and feeling lonely I have officially lost it.

@longgone I can’t find any toilet paper in stock on Amazon.