I would say I’m a bit of both. When I was younger I think I liked to stand out more, but stand out in a way that others thought was cool. Like my clothing being trendy and maybe catching some attention. At the same time I wanted to fit in; I wanted to catch positive attention. Mostly, I wore what I liked, I was into fashion, but I think back then if I received negative feedback it would influence me to stop wearing the item.
When fitting in meant doing something I really didn’t want to do I avoided the situations or lied. An example would be that I didn’t want to drink alcohol when I was young so I usually avoided drinking parties when I was in school. A few times I said I already drank some alcohol at home and couldn’t drink more. Eventually, by my college years, I was able to simply say I don’t drink or don’t want to drink.
If standing out means I’ll be putting myself in possible danger I don’t want to do it. Examples are wearing expensive jewelry, driving a luxury car, even dressing sexy. Much of the time I prefer to just blend in. Although, when it comes to clothing, I do like to put on something nice sometimes. It’s not that the clothing is skimpy or trashy, that’s not what I mean, but being dressed up can give an air of sexiness and confidence and attract attention. Especially, if most people in the room are dressed down.
I think I resolve the conflicts by deciding some things aren’t important to me, or trying to find the positive of the other choice. It’s probably some sort of psychological mechanism like denial, but I don’t know the right term.
On a more macro view, I am a proponent of conforming and assimilating in a society. Maybe that is for a different discussion? You can be unique, but only within reason before it might hinder your ultimate goal. This is more about cultural norms.
Everyone is special is basically true in my mind. I really feel this way more and more as a spend time with people who are retired. Listening to the twists and turns of their life, what they’ve learned, what they know. Each person unique. I find it fascinating to listen to people sharing their knowledge even if I disagree with them.