Do not do something you are not ready for. Some people can just have casual sex and not give it a second thought- some can’t. Everyone is wired differently.
ONLY DO WHAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH
If therapy is an option, do it. You have nothing wrong with you. Therapy can help you heal. I have never experienced abuse as a child, but I have been a victim of rape. 2 years after, I pushed myself when I wasn’t ready to have sex and it took a huge mental toll on me. Therapy can help so that when you are ready to have sex again, you don’t put yourself mentally backwards, or re-traumatize yourself. It is a slow and long process but you can do it. It is important that you wait until you are ready
“No”. is a complete sentence and any man/woman/ANYBODY who pushes after a no is an asshole
“Virginity” isn’t even real. It’s a bullshit societal thing and it needlessly pressure people into doing things they aren’t ready for. Fuck that, you move at your own pace. You are fine. I promise.
Just try to look into therapy, support groups, anything to help you. Even if you aren’t struggling anymore as a result in other ways, there is a chance that just jumping into sex blindly can cause issues. Just try and get some support and move at your own pace.