Humor across culture and language is extremely difficult. Even in one’s own language it can be difficult, because people don’t find the same things funny. What about essays that aren’t sarcastic, does she still have a problem?

Does she have the same problem with reading comprehension in her primary language? I don’t mean just with jokes, I mean in general. My reading comprehensions was about average, while my math and science, were grade levels ahead when I was in school. Reading just was not my thing. I did well in Spanish class too, but reading long essays I never got the full meaning very well. I know if I worked at it I’d probably get better.

My SIL’s written English isn’t great, verbally she’s very good, not perfect, but very good, and a very strong understanding. Spanish is her first language. My husband said she writes in Spanish like she does in English. So, she’ll likely never get better at writing in English.

I would say stick to subject matter she is interested in for a while to help her improve. This is what we try to do in school now. Get children to read more if they can choose the books that interest them. Also, relate even topics like math to real world experiences for them.

Sounds like a reading comprehension and verbal reasoning issue, very common.
Interestingly, you already noticed, and discussed that essay, which is one of the recommended actions to take.
Some people with ADHD have that issue, too, which sometimes requires medical intervention.

https://www.edutopia.org/article/5-ways-support-students-who-struggle-reading-comprehension

It sounds like her issues are deeper than just with English comprehension. There may be a learning issue or even some neurological condition that is beyond your ability to solve. If you can tactfully do it, I would suggest to her that she go to a neurologist or psychologist for an evaluation. This sounds like something that is beyond either your or our ability to diagnose.

I agree with @KNOWITALL and @janbb .

Some common dyslexia signs and symptoms in teens and adults include:

•Difficulty reading, including reading aloud
•Slow and labor-intensive reading and writing
•Problems spelling
•Avoiding activities that involve reading
•Mispronouncing names or words, or problems retrieving words
•Trouble understanding jokes or expressions that have a meaning not easily understood from the specific words (idioms), such as “piece of cake” meaning “easy”
•Spending an unusually long time completing tasks that involve reading or writing
•Difficulty summarizing a story
•Trouble learning a foreign language
•Difficulty memorizing
•Difficulty doing math problems

I agree. She may be ADD. That needs to be diagnosed.

@cheebdragon‘s list of dyslexia symptoms reminds me of this detail: she signed up for an advanced math class a year ago, and from what I heard from her she aced it. She also aced some test in a course whose name I forgot without regular attendance. So it seems to me that she can only understand things at a very superficial level. Ask her to recall some facts and she can do that in a second, but ask her to think of how those facts are related to the real world and she’s stumped. I’m not familiar with ADHD and ADD, but it could be the case.

I haven’t talked to anyone about this until now, because I don’t want to sound like I’m suggesting that she has issues with her intelligence. It was also her idea to learn English, and she is learning IELTS, a test that requires extremely high level of reasoning and critical thinking. She has been taking various courses and reading books before coming to me, and she can recall a lot of the things her books and teachers have taught her. But her actual skill is just bad.

So far I have suggested her to put herself in situations where she is exposed to natural English like reading English stories and watching Youtube videos, and that’s the only thing I could think of to help her.

I agree with @janbb. A neurologist or psychologist can test and evaluate her.

ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder. ADHD is the same only with Hyperactivity thrown in. Sadly a LOT of 2 year olds get diagnosed with ADHD because they’re acting like 2 year olds.

@Dutchess_III Agreed! As well as older kids.

I’m assuming that you have a language other than English (Vietnamese?) in common. If so, does this problem appear when you speak in that language? It seems like that experience would separate language issues from other issues.

Try discussing a story or two in your native language and seeing if the obstacles become more apparent.

I’m also thinking that if this is, say, a learning disability, a psychological issue, or some other problem that isn’t about learning English, it will have shown up long since in her educational history. Have you asked her straightforwardly if she has ever been diagnosed with (or been bothered by) learning problems in school?

I’d start with wanting to know her native language, culture, and skill set.

Language and culture could have very unfamiliar and/or different types of thinking, sense of humor, situational contexts, and so on. Skill set would give me an idea of what she IS cognitively functional with, and perhaps clues to how she thinks.

However it could also be various types of dysfunction from various or unknown causes.

@smudges older kids acting like 2 year olds is not the same as 2 year olds acting like 2 year old. I think it is just sick to diagnose healthy, active kids with a disorder when they’re behaving perfectly normal for their age.

Perhaps a.small ischemic stroke. Even young folks can get strokes especially if they have a hole in the septum that separates the two sides of their heart.

Maybe your friend has dyslexia?

@Dutchess_III I think it is just sick to diagnose healthy, active kids with a disorder when they’re behaving perfectly normal for their age.

That’s exactly what I was saying – older kids being diagnosed with a disorder when they’re simply acting their age

Older kids acting like 2 year olds isn’t normal behaviour.

If you go up to her and just say “1 plus 1”, does she answer, or wait?
Does she get a joke in any language?
Can recognize the meaning of facial expressions?

She might be “on the autism spectrum.”
Look it up and see if any of it sounds familiar.

The skill of “decoding” written words is different from the skill of understanding what the words say. Too, the ability to go line by line and translate from one language to another is a different skill from understanding the ideas communicated in the first language.

Others have asked this, but does she have similar difficulty with comprehension in her native language?

It’s possible, especially if this is only showing up in English, that your friend’s decoding ability is higher than her true fluency in English.

One thing you could try is to step away from the written material and just “use” English together to talk about something, and work on increasing the complexity of what you talk about.

I would look for visual things to begin conversations—photographs, works of art, silent videos, and English films/shows/performances come to mind for me. Maybe it just starts with her describing or summarizing what she viewed, and over time doing so in increasing detail, and eventually gets to where the two of you are discussing it together at-length. She could also read something in her native language (so that she has a solid understanding of the content), but then talk about it in English with you. You can interleave English texts into this practice as makes sense to you. The idea would be that as she gains more fluency in expressing and thinking in English, then she could return to more reading-in-English-based practice with a fluency that better matches her decoding skills.

Ok, a few of you are asking if she has problems with her native language. Yes, she has problems with her native language as well. The joke story I talked about was 90% in our own language. The essay in question was in English because it was an English student, but when I showed it to her it wasn’t part of our learning session. It was purely something I found interesting and wanted to share with her, so it was an entirely casual situation. We discussed everything in our native language that day. There are situations like that happening too, and most of that are in our native language.

@LuckyGuy if I ask her 1 plus 1, she can answer quickly. The problem is when you show her two pencils and ask her how many pencils you have. This is when she can’t make the connection between 1 plus 1 and the two pencils. It doesn’t exactly play out that way, but it’s an example to help you understand what’s wrong with her.

She can get jokes, but it has to be simple jokes. Some jokes just fly over her head.

And I think she can recognize facial expression. But now that you mention it, I seem to notice that she doesn’t respond quickly to mood change. Someone could sound slightly upset and she would just look like she doesn’t notice it until some time has passed.

@Jeruba she doesn’t reveal much of her early education, so I’m not sure how good she was at school, I’m afraid.

Decoding isn’t everyone’s thing. It could be a physical mental inability or it can be she simply doesn’t see the need to decode and relies on just fact base knowledge. I can tell you from personal experience that when I try to learn another language, sarcasm and jokes are my least favorite things to read. I’m trying to learn words and what they mean and it annoys me to have to try to learn how the word or a line of words can have another meaning that isn’t commonly used in everyday life. Especially if you become impatient. I remember my Japanese nephew needing help with his English. He hated idioms. He asked me what does raining cats and dogs mean. I explained and he asked why? It makes no sense. He didn’t understand why they simply couldn’t say it was raining heavily, or a lot or it was a down pour. And why use cats and dogs as an example for heavy rain drops. He thought them a waste of time. I couldn’t agree more when you simply want to be able to use words to help your everyday life. I know sentence context plays a lot into it but the first rule of learning about a language is trying not to sound like and idiot. You want a good foundation before moving on to more complicated things.
Personally I didn’t think the story was amusing. I think it sad that the kids view of the US isn’t too off the mark and that it is what many believe the US to be like. A bunch of savages with no regard for life.

@Dutchess_III Older kids acting like 2 year olds isn’t normal behaviour.

That’s exactly what I said – reread.

@Mimishu1995 You don’t ask “What does 1 + 1 equal?” You just say “1 plus 1” and see if she answers.

I have to say again that I really think that us trying to diagnose what may be a serious condition over the internet is highly irresponsible. The woman sounds like she needs a good diagnostician and us making guesses is not helpful. None of us has expertise in this area and even a professional would not diagnose her over the internet.

@janbb I’m just trying to understand my friend. I wasn’t sure if she is afflicted by any medical condition or not, but now I think I don’t have enough ability to help her and she needs to see a doctor.

Thank you all for answering.

Now my next concern is how to make her aware of the situation without sounding like I’m ridiculing her intelligence.