“by keeping your feelings out of the relationship you are keeping an important part of your self out of the relationship”
this is from the book “difficult conversations” which is tangentially related but i HIGHLY recommend.
by the statement, “she doesn’t say them because she wouldn’t like herself if she did” – it sounds like she is having a difficult time being honest with herself, which is the step before being honest with each other.
another quote from the book is, “don’t bring down a wall unless you know why it was put up.” this quote really resonated with me because i’m an intimacy addict so for a long time i’d get really upset with any walls – but now i see some are there for a reason and that’s ok. is the lack of honesty an impediment to your vision of the ideal relationship with this person?
if you want to be emotionally intimate, for example – you need emotional honesty. if you want to play golf together, maybe you don’t.