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Dutchess_III's avatar

Why didn't this girl's parents pull her out of school?

Asked by Dutchess_III (44058points) June 3rd, 2021
10 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

A college student was dating this guy. He started getting abusive. She finally broke up with him.
Then he started stalking her.
In this 1 hour program it was so obviously escalating into the danger zone.
She told her mom and dad.
She went to the police.
This went on for a year.
When she returned from a date the stalker shot her point blank.

I believe I would have pulled her from school and gone into hiding.

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kneesox's avatar

It’s so easy to believe nothing bad will really happen. You don’t want trouble or dusruption. You could be overreacting. Things will probably turn out all right.

If nothing happens, there won’t be any way to show that it could have. So you talk yourself out of it instead of going into alarm and taking drastic steps.

jca2's avatar

The parents should pull her from school and they all go into hiding? What about the college tuition thrown down the toilet? What about the parents’ jobs – just take off for a year or so? What about the pets, if there are any? Upkeep and maintenance on the house? With no income, from not working, they’re going to be making mortgage payments, presumably? There are a lot of factors involved, other than just going into hiding.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Whoa @jca2! I wouldn’t not give one shit about anything (other than my other children) to get that kid out of danger.

sorry's avatar

This sounds like a whole lot of victim blaming.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

I’d want to know why the cops wouldn’t do their jobs. Maybe the parents should have put a restraining order or peace bond on the dude. Perhaps the dad “knew a guy, who knew a guy”, who could be paid to break the clowns arms as a warning to leave his daughter alone. Perhaps the girl should have dumped him at the first sign of abuse. A whole lot of “ifs” involved. Tragic story, terrible situation. If it was my daughter or grand daughter, I’d tell him to stay the hell away, and if that didn’t work, I’d look around for some people to try a little less gentle persuasion. If I get caught and locked up, it’s better than having a dead loved one. I’ll take the risk.

raum's avatar

Hindsight is 20/20. :(

Lightlyseared's avatar

I understand what you’re trying g to say but this is victim blaming. A woman shouldn’t have to alter her behaviour or how she dresses or what ever just because some guy is a psychotic incel who thinks he’s entitled to stick his dick where ever he wants.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Her home was 300 miles away.

I am blaming everyone who had the chance to interviene on her behalf but didn’t.

seawulf575's avatar

I have mixed feelings. If one of my kids was in that situation, I would ask if they wanted to leave the school. I would be in the Dean’s office on a regular basis demanding action. I would be bugging the police. As you know, I can be quite a pain in the ass when I get the mood and stalking of one of my kids would definitely put me in the mood.

BUT…the child is an adult. She is in college. She may have said and done things to make sure no one asked her to leave. Or she declined if asked.

JLeslie's avatar

Difficult situation. Some people are less inclined to think someone would actually act out in such an extreme way. They don’t take the pain of a break-up very seriously. Some people have never been through that pain.

Other people would be extremely concerned, because he was already abusive. Immediately after breaking up is usually the most dangerous time for a woman leaving an abusive relationship, and I would hope I would remove my daughter from the situation for at least a semester, but It’s hard to say.

I broke up with a guy who was showing signs of being physically abusive, and then I saw him drive by my work as I was leaving. He also kept trying to call me. I called my cousin’s ex-girlfriend at 6:00am one morning when he tried to call me (she lived near me) and she drove over to my house immediately! I think she was more worried than me. He called again and she got on the phone and told him he was scaring us and to stop or she would call the police. Luckily, he stopped. I probably would not have thought to move out of town right away.

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