Social Question

kneesox's avatar

Are you any good at accepting and returning favors?

Asked by kneesox (3535points) 2 months ago
10 responses
“Great Question” (2points)

Or are you the sort that hates to be under an obligation?

What happens when you freely and voluntarily give help, without looking for any return?

What happens when you actually need help yourself?

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elbanditoroso's avatar

Doing favors (i.e. giving them) – I do all tthe time. Like you said @kneesox – without any need for return. Just because I’m a nice guy.

I feel very uneasy getting favors from others. First, because I try to be as independent as possible, but second because I feel unworthy or undeserving. Why should they help me?

Back 4–5 years ago I had a terrible infection in my leg – needed a walker, need a cane, was in a bad way for about 3 months.

Even though that was the one time in my life that I really did need help from people just to do normal things, and people were very willing to do things for me, it always made me feel a little stange accepting their help.

Maybe that’s my personality.

JLeslie's avatar

I’m more pay it forward minded, but yes I feel somewhat of an obligation to help someone who helped me, especially if they help multiple times. I don’t really keep track, just a general feeling of wanting to be helpful. If they are too giving it can get uncomfortable.

Doing a favor and accepting a favor, I’m good with both.

I like favors best when they take little effort for the person carrying it out, and it’s monumental for the person receiving it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I help people when they ask for help, plain and simple.

What I’m against is the people who ask for “favor” then belittle me when I ask for favor.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I love to help others, but really have a hard time accepting help, even from family.

snowberry's avatar

The idea of having to accept and then return a favor is foreign to me. I give willingly with no expectation of a “returned favor”.

I also know that to give is a great blessing and that in order to give, somebody has to be willing to receive. So I am gracious and thankful for the help I receive because I know I am giving them a gift by simply receiving their help.

Zaku's avatar

I think I am good at it. I enjoy helping people. I like receiving help.

Or are you the sort that hates to be under an obligation?
– Not “or” but “and”. I do hate being under an obligation… I guess I tend not to relate to favors as necessarily implying obligation. If a favor is offered but with an excessive obligation attached, I’ll tend to avoid it.

What happens when you freely and voluntarily give help, without looking for any return?
– I find it causes both people to be happy about it, friendly, etc. All-around a good situation, usually.

What happens when you actually need help yourself?
– If I need help, generally I know how to find someone to help? Not sure what you mean?

I do know there are many people whom I would say are a bit weird about asking for help, and seem overly attached to a sense of duty about returning or repaying favors. I tend to find that a bit awkward, though of course it depends on the situation, and great imbalance should be avoided. Often an agreed trade is a good way to handle things.

The part I’ve found trickiest is when/if someone keeps wanting lots and lots of my help, particularly if it seems like it’s a really imbalanced somehow.

kneesox's avatar

@Zaku – If I need help, generally I know how to find someone to help? Not sure what you mean?

Some of us have a really hard time asking for help, any kind, from anyone, even if we’ve given it freely and without expectation of return. So asking what happens basically meant do you ask for it, and do you accept it?

smudges's avatar

Ohmigosh! I hate asking for help! So much so that in 2019 I got a letter asking me to come in for a 5 year repeat colonoscopy/endoscopy and I have yet to do it, in part because I would have to find a ride to and from. The medical community has gotten so strict about rides that it makes it difficult for many people who need whatever procedure/surgery, yet they certainly don’t offer the service.

It’s not a feeling of obligation that bothers me, it’s feeling like an imposition. Yet I do things for others and don’t feel like they owe me or are imposing. But I must say, if I’ve done a number of things for a particular person and they can’t be bothered to help when I need something, I’m not so eager to help the next time.

Forever_Free's avatar

I happily accept and happily return favors. I do not do favors just because someone did one for me. I am simply a giving person.
I do not feel like I am under any sort of obligation nor do I let the other person think I own them a favor in return.
I have the highest type of rewarding feeling when I do something to help.
I am a very capable person but do enjoy having help on a project or task. It is typically my friends who ask “hey, you have anything you need help on this week/weekend?”

The biggest lesson is to know when someone is taking advantage of you as a giving person. It can happen. They are out there. I can tell and I know how to draw a line and set boundaries with this type of “taker”.

jca2's avatar

I don’t like to ask for help, except to a very few people. I will hem and haw and think of an alternative, usually. I don’t worry about feeling obligated to return the favor, it’s more that I don’t want to put the person out.

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