Social Question

Alex__'s avatar

I have fallen in love with a man. He is 26, and I'm 16. How do I speak to my parents about it?

Asked by Alex__ (7points) August 22nd, 2021
15 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

I have visited his house multiple times after school; he is very kind and spoils me with gifts (I think it might be because he feels guilty?); we did have sex, but only after I agreed to it. We are both males.

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Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

Anyone 26 having sex with a 16 year old is a predator and a scumbag. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Please be safe and talk to an adult you trust.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Sounds like a groomer to me.

LuckyGuy's avatar

In New York State that is considered Rape 3rd degree, a Class E felony, You are below the age of consent and he is over 21. Your agreement means nothing.

Kropotkin's avatar

You don’t.

Smashley's avatar

Ya try, and it doesnt go well. Clearly everyone here has a problem with it the age difference, and your parents probably will too. People are just concerned for you. 16 and 26 is extremely fraught. The years he has on you are some of the most important for becoming an adult. It’s hard for us to picture this being a relationship of equals. 16 is such a vulnerable age, and your choices now are often as thoughtless as they are consequential. Your future dances on the edge of a knife right now, and a bad relationship, or a normal one you make bad choices for will alter the entire course of your life.

As a man who was pursued and also fell for an older man in high school, just protect yourself. You have a golden opportunity to hobble your future here.

If you really want to get your parents on board, you are going to have to convince them that you can make good choices for yourself and advocate for your own needs within the relationship.

I know how world changing and powerful it can feel when you get with someone older and exciting. I lost myself, and it took years for me to confront his personaility issues and build up enough resentment to leave and pursue my own life.

jca2's avatar

The man is very likely going to end up in jail and with a sex offender label attached to his name, which is going to affect his future employment, where he can live and cannot live, etc. It’s not going to end well for him.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Alex__ We actually know someone who went to prison for having sex with a 16 year old, 10 days before her 17th birthday while he was over 21 – greater than 4 year age difference. Even though she was consenting and had been chasing him for months, that stupid act ruined his life and the lives of everyone in the families involved. He is forever on the sex offender list.

By the way, if you must have sex, do it with someone within 4 years of your own age. That is not considered statutory rape in NY.

For your sake and his I hope the age of consent is 16 or younger in your state.

kritiper's avatar

You don’t. Consider it a school girl’s/boy’s crush that you will soon outgrow and don’t disrupt his life, or yours, by divulging your secret.

Forever_Free's avatar

You stated that “You have fallen in love”
What are HIS feelings. Is he in love?

What is his reaction on your telling your parents? His answer to this last question may give you insight on what to do.

Inspired_2write's avatar

“he is very kind and spoils me with gifts ..”

There is a reason the does that ..its to entice you into a relationship of dominance over another. ( you in this case are the victum that he choses to prey upon).

Wonder if he did that to others unknown to you as well? You are one of many that gets hurt.

Ask yourself WHY he or you don’t find someone your own age?

Him: Because people his own age know what he is like.

So he persues vunerable people.

You: Youthful, vuneralbe , too easy impressed by him ( gifts).

For the cost of a gift to impress he has you on a string for life.

Get far away from him and stick to your own age group until you can handle adult situations with yur safety in mind effectively.

P.S. Real love doesn’t happen until after at the very least 7 months Before jumping into sex.
Anything before that is just LUST, which does not last.

I suggest talking to a counsellor in private.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Don’t confuse guaranteed sex as love.

Forever_Free's avatar

@Dutchess_III I missed the guaranteed sex part.

Sex really puts a relationship on a different level. Love is something completely different and has nothing to do with sex.
If you have sex without really knowing someone then it is just sex.

snowberry's avatar

If your parents were to encourage you to continue with this “relationship” with this man and he were arrested for rape, it’s possible your parents could be charged as accomplices.

jca2's avatar

@snowberry: At the very least, the parents would be charged in Family Court for neglect and a bunch of other stuff.

snowberry's avatar

^^Yes, Thank you @jca2

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