General Question

Ponkadotcom's avatar

Why do some men (including me) have the fantasy of sharing their wife?

Asked by Ponkadotcom (13points) November 29th, 2021
22 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

I know it is forbidden & sin in my religion, but still…..

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gondwanalon's avatar

This is revolting to me.

In modern day this behavior is considered deviant and sick.

Perhaps such fantasy is rooted in an ancient desire to spread genetic material to another gene pool because sharing your wife would might require having access to someone else’s wife.

janbb's avatar

I disagree with @gondwanalon . Fantasies are just that – fantasies. Anyone can have them; it’s often the acting upon them that causes problems.

elbanditoroso's avatar

There’s some psychological stuff going on here:

1) you (the husband) are so happy with your possession (the wife) that you want to show off your property to other men to show how powerful you are. In this case, it is not the wife that is the target of your actions – it is showing that your ego is being addressed and built up.

It’s as if you had a prize breeding horse at a county fair, and you will let the horse be shared with others (for a price) to show the value of your property. (The normal term is putting the horse out to stud).

NOTE: the above theory clearly means you treat your wife as your property and are using her for YOUR enjoyment, not for hers

2) The second approach is the “grass is greener on the other side” approach – you’re curious about if another person find her as desirable as you.

in any case, @janbb is correct – nothing wrong with dreaming and having fantasies, as long as you don’t make actions to fulfill them.

Smashley's avatar

It can vary, person to person. Cockolding fantasies are playing in spaces of humilation and dominance.

Often it’s just the excitement of adding something new that can be appealing to either partner. If your sex life is pretty vanilla, interest in this act, unexplored, might grow so far as to feel like a real preference or kink. In reality you need to try it before you know how you really feel about it. In some cases, like being deceitful or pressuring your spouse into it, you can fuck up your marriage, but there are plenty of roadmaps out there to a happy marriage that includes other sexual partners.

If you don’t think you can make it work and don’t want to risk what you have, I don’t blame you, and you should just stick to fantasy.

kritiper's avatar

Different strokes for different folks. It takes all kinds in this world. (And there are all kinds!)

KNOWITALL's avatar

Men are generally much more visual, so it’s not that uncommon to fantasize.
To me, it’s essentially admiring your wife from a different angle more than the act itself, of sharing her. Also many men hate to share and only enjoy the fantasy. Be careful if you discuss it with your wife.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Ditto @kritiper Whatever flips your lid. That said, in my view my wife is mine alone. I’m not into that stuff. Not attacking you, just sayin’. And as someone else has said above, as long as it remains a fantasy, then no harm done. That is between you, and your religious leader, and your own conscience.

rebbel's avatar

Nobody owns their wife, or their husband.
In my view anyway.
If there’s consensus, it’s all okay, obviously.
If there’s not, the mere notion of “sharing my wife with other men” is a disgusting, and degrading one.
To see where your ego is at, try the following: your partner, without your knowing, arranged a group of people to share you with, to use you.
For their (your partner’s) pleasure.
Still feeling excited?

zenvelo's avatar

For many powerful men it is a form of debasement kink, similar to submissive role play, where the man watches another man have sex with his wife.

It is fairly common in strict religious households, especially with evangelical preachers, as a form of violating a taboo.

SergeantQueen's avatar

There is nothing wrong with doing that as long as everyone consents.

It’s just fantasy I am not sure why. Why do random old men with little girl kinks message me?
It’s taboo and it’s kinky.

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Forever_Free's avatar

Who knows why or what make people fantasize about various things. Men and Women do this regularly. It is healthy to think about. However you need to draw a hard line on fantasy if you are to keep you focus on your significant other.

Pandora's avatar

Funny, as far as I know my husband never dreamt of sharing me nor have I ever dreamt of sharing him but maybe it’s like @elbanditoroso said. We don’t see each other as property. I’m sure he has had fantasies or dreams of other women and I’ve had dreams of other men but dreams are different. Like, I’ve dreamt of guys I never met. They looked different but were always still somehow my husband or it looked like my husband but was some actor. My dreams are always weird. I feel it like my mind doesn’t like the idea of cheating so it never completely changes who he is. And in my dreams I never share my husband. Oh, hell no. I’m not a sharer, nor is my husband.

Pandora's avatar

I have to add that I just asked my husband this question and he made such a special expression of confusion and disgust that just made me laugh. So to quote him, “hell, I don’t even like sharing the food you make with anyone other than the kids,so hell NOOO! ”

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