Fluther: How do you, personally, improve on your conversational skills?

How do you, personally, improve on your conversational skills?

Asked by SergeantQueen (12874

) January 29th, 2022
11 responses
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This is not asking for advice, I’m asking how you personally improve on these skills

I stumble on my words.

Sometimes I stutter.

I say things that make 0 sense because in my head I know the context, but not everyone else does (and I assume they do).

I mess up words. I’ll say “dishwasher” instead of “microwave” even though my brain is thinking “microwave”.

I am trying to improve on it by:

Slowing down and allowing myself time to process what I want to say, my brain moves faster than I can speak.

I kind of (sometimes) put it on the other person as well. I don’t always know if I made sense or if I came off rude, so sometimes instead of apologizing right away, I just let them tell me what they think first. Then I clarify.

I also some-what force the other person to be more clear. I ask for clarification even if they think I’m stupid for it. I need people to communicate with me a certain way sometimes, and I’ve just started making sure people do it until they do it automatically. if people aren’t clear, I ask until I 100% am sure what they mean. Some people are starting to get the hint :)

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Answers

I have realized that it’s not me second guessing myself, it’s people not being clear with me. Open ended requests lead me to second guess, clear expectations I can follow perfectly with no issue

SergeantQueen (12874

)“Great Answer” (1

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Stumbling over words is something I do when I am overtired. I think I am just not very alert, so I have to focus more my speech more that would normally. Or get some sleep.

kruger_d (6231

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I think you have found an excellent strategy. The most important part of any conversation is listening! Everyone wants to be heard, but few people are. Once word gets around that you actually know how to listen you will have no end of friends.

snowberry (27655

)“Great Answer” (1

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I struggle with talking, too. I lose my train of thought, stumble, have pauses, and forget words. I think my problems come from assuming that others don’t want to hear what I have to say, and believing that I have nothing worthwhile to contribute (which began when I was a child). Or I talk too fast because I want to get it out before someone interrupts me, which, I again assume is because they think I have nothing important to say. But it also depends on to whom I’m speaking. In my late teens through 30’s, I’d get teased for speaking so “properly”. I had good enunciation and a large vocabulary. Maybe I got lazy in my speech in part due to that, because I didn’t want people to think I thought I was better than others.

In an attempt to improve, I just try to think about the points I want to make, and if it’s something like going to a doctor, I jot notes down before I go. That really helps. One thing I’m trying to do is to speak slower and softer. I’ve heard that people pay more attention when you speak quietly so they can hear you.

Thanks for bringing this up. Good topic, especially in this time where we communicate so much by written words, and shorthand, slangy written words at that!

smudges (10708

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You can’t expect to improve your conversational skills through expecting others to adapt to your particular deficits. It is in fact the opposite requirement, your ability to parse and unravel the dialog you receive, while adapting your output to the capabilities of those addressed. As with any discipline, improvement is a matter of practice, practice, practice. And as with any discipline, it’s a good idea to practice with those you consider skilled at the “profession”.

HP (6425

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