I agree that this is a great question! I have been telling this parable a lot lately as it makes a lot of sense to me:
Carolyn Hax, an advice columnist for the Washington Post, once published a letter from a woman who asked what to do about her boyfriend, who continued to clean her cast iron pans improperly. It was driving the woman nuts, and she had explained several times how to clean the pans.
Carolyn wrote back and gave the woman some things to think about.
A year later, the woman wrote back. She said that things had ended with the cast-iron-pan abuser and she had started dating someone else. And the new guy was so great, she said, that she didn’t give a damn how he cleaned her cast iron pans.