I do know some very attractive swingers, but most aren’t.
I suspect this is a subconscious reaction to being told you are undesirable, and trying to prove to yourself that you are desirable.

@filmfann GA! I think you may be right.

It’s a bit of a shock to me to see so many pineapples in public lately, so I need to learn. Ha!

What is attractive to one might not be attractive to another. And people you may think are unattractive, are attractive to someone else.

@chyna True. But to put it gently, I mean maybe 2’s on the scale of 1–10. Consistently.

Probably the same reason nude beaches are full of people who are not attractive.

Maybe they have a great personality? Struggling here

@Blackwater_Park Haven’t been to one. Is that true then? I have heard it said before.

Just guessing…the participants just want sex & are NOT looking at the face!!!

My town is tiny & although I’m sure that it goes on here…NOBODY advertises it!!!

@chyna I would think the most attractive of the bunch recruit, but maybe there’s a system? I was hoping some of you more experienced jellies could dish on the process.

We have new neighbors who are swingers, which is one reason I’m asking questions. They’ve already recruited one single neighbor lady. Haha!

@KNOWITALL I have not, but I have heard that’s the case.

@Blackwater_Park So what would you say if you were asked? Seems like it would be awkward. Do you get to choose or is it like a 1970’s key party?

The hotel in our town hosts a cocktail hour, then apparently you hand your room key to someone, then peel off to the room. That’s what I heard.

Yes.

Pretty people, ugly people, and everyone in between. It’s not really about “attractiveness”, it’s about appetite and opportunity.

Wait what? I don’t think I know any swingers. Not that I know of. I did know a couple who would have threesomes with another woman sometimes. The husband was average, the wife was very pretty. As far as I know they didn’t swing with other couples, but maybe they did. This was many years ago, I haven’t known them for 30 years.

Ironically, rumor is where I live there are lots of swingers. I should say myth is probably more accurate than rumor. I have never seen any indication of it where I live.

Never knew any, so I can’t say. We did know a couple once, who claimed to be into wife swapping. We thought it was all bs, until one night the wife tried to entice me. They had come down from Dallas for a visit and started talking that crap again. I was laying on my couch one night watching TV late, and she came slinking in dressed in a revealing nightie, that’s all I care to say. Laid down next to me and told me everyone was asleep, now is our moment. I told her bull shit and went to bed (with my own woman). Next day we told them they had to go, start packing. After I told my wife about the incident. Rude? Maybe. But so are some other things. On edit she was very attractive but that wasn’t the issue. I’m out.

I’ve never, to my knowledge, ahem come across a swinger.
Those gatherings look like scenes from The Hills Have Eyes & as such…count me out.

Thanks all! Very interesting subculture lesson.

^^ Did you have fun or learn anything new while “hot-tubbing”??? ;}

@LadyMarissa Not me, I have to be attracted to someone first.
My brother in law and his wife are in Belize and have had an open marriage for over a decade. I’m just curious.

I never knowingly met any swingers at all.

Some of the cutest primates I’ve ever seen are swingers. ;)

After being invited to an orgy, do you think you’re being a little too judgemental?

Yes. And we met them at a Catholic class reunion.

@WhyNow No, not where sex is involved. Attraction is important to the process, for me.

@KNOWITALL You know my post was meant to be humerus.

@WhyNow You never know on this site haha!

I may not be a 10 but I can do better than a 2, promise you that! :)

^^I am not a ten… maybe a nine, nine and a half.
...Depending how you measure.

Their goal is not about attraction so it doesn’t matter to them.
What matters is that you are open sexually.
Think of it as an analogy of looking at patrons of Sak’s Fifth Avenue vs Walmart.
There are plenty of attractive people who shop at Walmart along with the rest of their patrons but not so many non-attractive people shopping at Sak’s.

It’s all about nude pickle ball

@zenvelo ^^ I can’t unsee this

From KNOWITALL to SHOWITALL with one question.

@WhyNow Starting to be a fan of your humor, too.

@Forever_Free I get it. One of the best lover’s I’ve had was not traditionally handsome. Maybe it’s similar to what men say about fat women, they work harder to please. :)

@KNOWITALL I understand your idea of attraction; however, I’m going to jump to a conclusion that their idea of attraction is anyone willing to get kinky with them so looks means NOTHING!!! Bet IF you were with one of them tonight & you ran into them at the grocery store tomorrow that they wouldn’t recognize you unless you had a special kink that really excited them!!!

Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice were attractive.

@JLeslie Hollywood, Whoul’da thought that crap like that happens in real life?

@LadyMarissa haha! Seems like you could waste a lot of time trying to find compatible lovers.

^^ Don’t think they’re looking for “compatible lovers”...just decent or possibly good SEXXX!!!

I can’t say I’ve met any swingers that I’m aware of but I did frequent a nude beach when I was in college in San Luis Obispo, CA. It was called Pirate’s Cove. The regulars, besides the few attractive college students, were older and had wrinkles. :D

@Jonsblond And that’s cool, too! I love when people are comfy with their natural bodies.

@KNOWITALL I hear ya. I think their brain is in a different mindset. It’s not so much about making love, but a primal need for sex.
I agree that the best lovemaking is more an emotional state of mind between two (or more) people than a physical attraction.

I learned this lesson now at 30. I have had girls (plural) and even an A lister
celebrity very damn sexy who said ‘I want you inside me.’ It gets way crazier then
that believe you me. The lesson I kno now is LOVE is the greatest aphrodisiac!!

Now I’m single. I avoid all events. I avoid looking girls in the eye. I love rainy days
when it’s easier to simply walk around NYC wearing a hat and an umbrella and it feels
ok to be alone. Don’t cry for me I lead an extremely privileged life.

Attractiveness is in many ways determined by how much effort an individual makes towards upholding a status quo, a perceived idea of what others want. It’s makeup, scents, hairstyles, cuts, clothing, jewelry, workout routines, and under-eye ice rollers. Most people who navigate these waters effortlessly are about the last people who would ever challenge the norm of monogamy. Vanilla works for them.

That said, if you engage with the wider community, there are plenty of hot people,

@Jonsblond I’ve noticed the same at Blacks Beach in San Diego. Going to guess the regulars were wrinkly because of so much sun exposure.

“Swingers” is also an older term for an older style of non-monogamy that isn’t practiced as much. I don’t doubt that people who call themselves swingers are at least older.

@Smashley Yeah I’m in rural Missouri which is 98% vanilla. Haha! There’s definately more of that than anything, other than asexual or voluntary abstinence.

The couple’s vary widely in ages but actually most I know of are younger than me, I’m 49.

@Smashley I was actually going to say the same thing. Swingers is a pretty old term that I don’t really hear younger people using, even if they’re basically doing the same thing. The question made me wonder if it was an age or generational thing. Since youth is generally found to be more attractive?

@raum I don’t hang out in that crowd so I just use the generic label. That’s why I posted here, to learn more about it. :)

@KNOWITALL I did not assume that you hung out with any particular crowd. :P

Just saying that most people who identify as swingers will probably be older in general. So perhaps you thinking that they’re less attractive may be related to them being older?

Swinging tends to be couples who swap, usually hetero. I think this arrangement has the potential to be problematic because one partner may pressure their SO into being into it, because they want permission to do the other thing. Better to just be thoughtfully non-monogamous. A perfect pair couple is great, but with all the problems people have finding compatibility one on one, two on two is way harder.

I think this earlier formulation of non-monogamy was easier for people because there is less perceived threat to your own stability. You can’t leave your partner for another couple… at least, people used to think that…..

And maybe one last point in defense of hot “swingers”. Your sample is going to be over represented by people who don’t care who knows, which comes from comfort with one’s self, which comes from age.

You aren’t in the life, so the secret people, who do care about reputation haven’t revealed themselves.

And every one of you who said attractiveness or compatibility isn’t important to “swingers” and that they are just controlled by lust – is wrong.

@raum Good point. But so far they’re all younger than I, they just look older than me haha!

@KNOWITALL Ha! Maybe they’re also nudists who have had too much sun exposure?

@raum Nekkid in the hot tub too?!

@KNOWITALL Nekkid 247365. :P