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rockfan's avatar

What’s the best way to ask out a girl I’ve already known for a year?

Asked by rockfan (14627points) July 26th, 2022
12 responses
“Great Question” (3points)

I’ve been going to a weekly board game group on the Meetup website and our small group has become good friends over the course of a year.

I want to ask out a friend in the group on a date, but I’m worried that it’ll make things awkward for the Meetup if she says no. We’ve talked a bit during each board game night and she’s seemed genuinely interested in what I have to say. She’s very shy and reserved, but funny and intelligent. But she’s also just as awkward as I am. I’m afraid that she might say yes without actually labeling it as a date. And that she’s just being nice. So I’m not sure whether I should be more upfront or casual about it. Ideally, I’d prefer to just ask “Want to get a cup of coffee this week?”.

Also, she’s rejected one other guy from our Meetup group – he awkwardly asked her out within a few hours of the first Meetup event.

What should I do? Next board game night is this Thursday and I plan on asking her out then.

By the way, there’s an age difference, she’s turning 25 in a few months, and I just turned 31.

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Answers

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

A woman has the right to accept it reject any guy she chooses. But for my money I say go for it. If she says yes just treat her to a nice date and have fun. If she says no, I suspect the sun will still rise in the morning. Just shake it off and make another plan. As per the age difference that doesn’t seem to bad. Just my opinion. Good luck! Hope it works out.

gorillapaws's avatar

@rockfan If I could go back in time and give myself advice about this kind of thing (because I used to angst about it just like you’re doing), I would say “just ask, without hesitation.” I’d go for something simple like “Hey [name], let me take you out for coffee.” It’s a command, but in a way that empowers her to say no. You’re asserting strength, but signaling that you’re asking permission from her. If she says “when?” then it’s “You tell me. What’s good for you?” If she says “no,” then don’t stress about it: “Alright, fair enough. I hope I didn’t make you feel weird?”

Asking a woman out is such a vulnerable moment, and the fear of rejection can be paralyzing. The thing is, just assume she’ll say “no” and maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. If you have that mindset like “I’ve got nothing to lose” with a really casual approach then it’s not a big deal if she say “no.” It’s not going to ruin your group if you asked her out to coffee and she declined so long as you’re cool. Women know that guys are into them whether they ask them out or not. They get asked out alot.

I don’t think the age thing is too big of a difference.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

Or ask her out to dinner if she’s game for it. Good way to get to know each other better. And I see no reason for angst. We all have to play the dating game at some point in life.

raum's avatar

Something related to your shared interest of board games. But not related to your actual Meetup. Is there something local that would be fun to check out?

Good luck! And not saying you should kiss and tell, but we will need an update. :P

Pandora's avatar

As suggested already go in with the mindset that she will say no. I would tell her this. I like you and tell her what you like about her. Tell her that you believe nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So you would like to take her out on a day date. (Dinner is often too much pressure. You have to dress up and pick a place you both like and then feel awkward during dinner). So grabbing a coffee and walking and talking is usually less pressure. Since you both like games, maybe take her to a Putt-Putt gulf. Tell her if she isn’t interested in a date with you for her not to be bothered with having to say no. You simply thought it would be nice to explore expanding your relationship and you won’t take it personally.

And if she’s worried about the pressure she may feel after the date, again you won’t take it personally if at the end of the date she felt you are both best off as just game buddies. Either way, you are fine. You just find her interesting and didn’t want to live with the regret of not asking.

WhyNow's avatar

Did you want actual words? What works for me is to be straightforward.
“My wife is away this weekend, world you like to come over?”

Be gentle yet confident. Add a bonus (women like bonuses!)
“I’ll cook breakfast”

Gifts are great. “Take one of my wife’s dresses. She has too many!”

Good Luck!

smudges's avatar

@WhyNow Pretty funny – never thought I’d say that about your humor.

@rockfan Give it a go! Imagine the worst that could happen – she yells “Help! Stranger danger!” and you can never go to another Meetup of any sort; then imagine the best – things work out and you end up married with 2.5 kids, a dog, cat, and a white picket fence around a beautiful house.

Recognize that neither is likely to happen, but something good somewhere in between might, then go for it. If she says no, respond with something like, “No prob. I just think you’re fill in the blank, interesting, like your vibe, etc and thought I’d see if you wanted to do something together.”

Good luck! I believe you can do this! You are likeable and interesting!

kritiper's avatar

“I feel like a cup of coffee. Care to join me? My treat?”

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
sarbear94's avatar

I say ask her! If you can, ask her in person. You could tell her you’re doing something and ask if she’d like to join maybe

raum's avatar

Any updates? :D

gary5's avatar

The best way to ask out a girl you’ve already known for a year will depend on your relationship with her, and what you feel is the most appropriate way to express your interest. Here are a few things you might consider when asking her out:

Make sure the timing is right. Don’t ask her out when she’s busy, stressed, or otherwise occupied.

Be confident, but not arrogant. Be yourself and let her see that you are genuinely interested in her.

Be specific. Instead of asking her if she wants to hang out sometime, suggest a specific activity and time.

Be sincere. Let her know why you want to take her out and what you hope to get out of the date.

Be direct. The longer you wait to ask her out, the more nervous you may become, and the more difficult it may be to build up the courage to do so.

Respect her decision. If she declines the invitation, understand and respect her choice. You can continue to be friends and see what happens in the future.

It’s also important to remember that everyone has different comfort levels and preferences when it comes to dating. Make sure to communicate openly with her and gauge her interest before asking her out, also, be prepared for all possible outcomes.

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