Social Question

trishgirl52's avatar

Does this seem too desperate?

Asked by trishgirl52 (166points) 2 months ago
25 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

I am very single only have male friend that I speak to on a regular but very distant. I decided to friend request a guy in my neighborhood. He did accept my friendship. I did like a few of his photos including of his granddaughters. We are both 52. He did accept my request. I sent him a msg. on Facebook. It was a compliment saying nice photos. I asked if he was a trainer and he only replied no.

I was so embarrassed as I feel he have no interest in me at all.
Then later he was on my Facebook story and then liked a photo that I had posted. I don’t want to seem desperate.

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SQUEEKY2's avatar

You can find out take control and invite him for coffee at a very public place, if he accepts your half way there then see where it goes, if it leads nowhere it wasn’t for the lack of trying .

trishgirl52's avatar

I did inbox him and only replied with one word. I thought he wasn’t interested in me. He shows that he is single on his status but I am not what he want.

zenvelo's avatar

You don’t appear desperate yet. But if you proceed any further without a positive indication from him, you will definitely appear needy.

chyna's avatar

No, this doesn’t seem desperate. Women have expected men to make the first move in the past, and now anyone can make the first move.
I don’t understand why you asked him if he was a trainer. Was there something that made you think he was?
Since he liked one of your pictures, I feel that is a positive response. I think I would try to chat with him some more via messenger before asking him to meet for coffee. He might be someone you aren’t interested in.

Forever_Free's avatar

I don’t think this qualifies as desperate. If you want to get to know more, then ask him out for a coffee or a walk. If there is no interest, then you have your answer and you let it be. No harm, no foul.

gorillapaws's avatar

I’m not a fan of using FB to find romance. If he’s your neighbor, just go up to him and ask him out for coffee or something. No need to play games-that’s silly. You’re both adults.

If I were a single man and a woman approached me with that offer, I’d be flattered and either accept or not depending on if I were interested. Any guy who would be categorically turned off by a woman approaching him, is probably not worth your time anyways.

Edit: Also, welcome to Fluther! I hope you decide to stick around.

trishgirl52's avatar

Ok I will take it slow. My cousin said maybe he is shy. I said to her that have nothing to do with just saying no. I won’t push it though but at the same time I felt embarrassed. Then since he did like a photo I felt somewhat relieved.

Forever_Free's avatar

@trishgirl52 Good approach and Welcome to Fluther.

trishgirl52's avatar

He is not a neighbor but lives in the same town. I never met him or ran into him before. That was my only way.

gorillapaws's avatar

@trishgirl52 “He is not a neighbor but lives in the same town. I never met him or ran into him before. That was my only way.”

I don’t really think of using Facebook for connecting with people you don’t already know in real life. Unless it’s as part of a Facebook group or something like that. Do other people do this?

As a guy, if I get a friend request from a woman I’ve never met in person I assume she’s either a dude in Nigeria trying to con me, maybe a sex worker (or her pimp) doing some direct marketing (no judgement, just not interested), or part of a political data-mining scheme designed to scrape data using fake profiles. Honestly the idea that maybe this is a real woman who wants to get to know me and maybe start a relationship would be very low on my guesses for who this person really was.

Is there a reason you’re using Facebook and not a dating app to meet people? What about going to an actual gym if you’re into the “trainer” physique?

trishgirl52's avatar

Hmm wow ok. The reason that I asked is because he is flexing in his photos and other comments about how he is built. So my question was in reference to his muscle photos.

SnipSnip's avatar


janbb's avatar

@gorillapaws I’m with you. I’d use a dating site to look for dates and FB to connect with people I actually or at least peripherally know.

RayaHope's avatar

I would hope when I’m your age I’d know a bit better how to conduct myself around a man I was interested in. I would not be embarrassed about a simple question and I don’t think I’d use FB as a dating app. But if you must, invite him to coffee at a local Starbucks or some very public place and see how it goes. make sure there are plenty of people around and even take a girl friend or someone if you are still wary. Although if you are that scared maybe this is not a good idea.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Not yet.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I don’t think it sounds desperate and if you’re into fitness, too, the idea above of asking to meet up for a walk or hike isnt desperate to me.
He may have thought you wanted him to train you not date, just a misunderstanding likely. Try one more time and be more direct!

gorillapaws's avatar

@trishgirl52 “Hmm wow ok…”

I’m not trying to be negative about you or judgmental at all. Maybe my circumstances are uncommon but I have LITERALLY NEVER been friended by a woman I didn’t know who was sincerely interested in getting to know me better and possible start a real relationship. They’ve all been bots/scams or sexworkers, so I think a lot of guys are trained to think the way I do. But maybe it’s different for other people? Anyways, I just wanted to put that out there that he may not think you’re the actual person in your profile, or that you may be trying to sell him something. Maybe making sure you have pictures of yourself in your town next to a landmark locals would recognize would help come across as being a real person.

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janbb's avatar

In that case, I would just like things on his page from time to time, see if he likes things on your page and maybe after a while, message him again when you have something to message him about. And then see what he answers.

gorillapaws's avatar

@trishgirl52 I see. So it’s not that you’re single and interested in meeting a man, it’s that you’re only interested in THIS PARTICULAR MAN who you’ve never met from a photo someone sent you a couple of years ago? That comes across as obsessive and unhealthy, but I’m just some dude on the internet, so what do I know? I mean think about how it would sound if the genders were reversed?

Assuming your intentions are good, I’d agree with @janbb. Too much interaction too quickly could spook the guy.

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Inspired_2write's avatar

^ Who was that prson that sent you his photo in the first place?
A friend that you know or a scammer to fool you into giving infromation about yourself.
I would be leary of anyone sending me a photo of someone else and suggesting that I connect..that is how scammer work.
Question: ask him to have a video chat ( zoom?) to see if he is real and what he really looks like as many scammers use somone elses image to use.

trishgirl52's avatar

No it was a friend of mine who went to school with him. It was legit.

gorillapaws's avatar

I see, it’s sounding much less weird with more context. Is it possible for your friend to introduce you to him in person?

Inspired_2write's avatar

Great advice now that we understand the circumstances .

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