General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

Am I overreacting by making this situation "my hill to die on"?

Asked by SergeantQueen (12739points) 2 months ago
26 responses
“Great Question” (3points)

As in, I am willing to risk my job pursuing this if it gets worse.

My coworker is in his 70s and is sexist. Will always call my male boss up when I am also a manager and it’s a problem I know for a fact I could deal with.

He goes so far as to say “just wait until xxxx gets here” if my boss is coming in later.

He does it to all the women in the store.

I am not willing to put up with it. I work too hard to let some asshole treat me like that, and also a big part of my job as the level of management I am, I am supposed to be the one to handle most issues because the bosses above me are supposed to deal with other things.

I talked to said boss, got told “that’s just how he is.” and if it continues I want to go to HR.

I don’t work with him all the time, but enough that it’s annoying and pisses me off.

I want to say something to him directly, and this may sound immature, but I struggle finding a way to confront him without letting my emotions come through. It is a very touchy situation for me because I hate that it makes me feel less than.

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SergeantQueen's avatar

Also to add: Everybody knows it is because he doesn’t like women, and I am not the only woman to have complained.

It is a known fact in our store, so it’s not me reading things wrong.

SnipSnip's avatar

Just tell your manager to please refer that guy to you. Once is all it will take.

JLoon's avatar

It’s really not much of a hill.

If you can’t fire him – go to HR.

Because like the poor, sexist assholes will be with us always.

snowberry's avatar

Ultimately It’s upper management‘s problem. Since this is been going on for a long time, it seems he is valuable to them, and it’s also possible that they’ve already discovered that he will not change. Getting him involved in some kind of lawsuit or disciplinary action might sound like more trouble to them than it’s worth, and he’s already overdue for retirement.

If you do make a stink about it I don’t see it going anywhere, but maybe it would make you feel better. However, his sexism isn’t as bad as it could be. He doesn’t touch you or make suggestive comments to you. Instead he simply avoids you altogether.

Last thought, in a few months this might all go away because he will retire.

SergeantQueen's avatar

@snowberry that’s the exact bullshit I don’t like.

I really don’t give a fuck if it “could be worse” I’ve dealt with worse in the workplace, that’s why I’m not dealing with this B.S.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Before you do anything make sure you document everything. Keep a notebook.
All entries should have a date, other witnesses and what happened.
Do not let anyone else know you are doing this until you use it.

jca2's avatar

My guess from the description you gave elsewhere of where you work (7–11 type place), is that he is a retiree and this is a little job for him for some extra money, so he’s probably not “retiring” any time soon (as others have suggested he might) because this is how he is spending his retirement.

Upper management needs to back you up and tell him that when @SergeantQueen tells him to do something, he has to do it. They need to document in writing what they tell him, i.e. give him a memo that states that he needs to listen to the supervisor, and this is his warning. If they don’t, he will continue as he has. If they do, he’ll know he has only one or two more chances and then he’s out.

HP's avatar

It sounds like you’re being played, and this goes beyond just another sexist prick. My guess is that he is also unhappy with your relative youth and your position of authority equivalent or superior to his own. It also sounds as if he’s got your number, because you wear your anger like a sign, and its a handle he can manipulate to his satisfaction. Follow @LuckyGuy ‘s advice, and use your head. What ACTUAL offense can you present to your superiors? The fact that he ignores you in the chain of command and whines instead to your boss? Do you feel he undermines your authority? It appears your boss and coworkers are aware of “how he is” and as surely as HR itself will be thinking “why should she give a shit?” Take your time and document any SOLID complaints you and the others you work with have against him. The guy is an old unhappy coward, who takes pleasure in any displeasure you care to exhibit. STOP making it so easy for him.

Blackwater_Park's avatar

HR will indeed ask for particulars, so have them ready when you do speak with them. Part of being a good manager is dealing with this sort of thing calmly and properly. Consider it practice.

RayaHope's avatar

If this was me, I’d just do my job and not let him get under my skin. He’s in his 70’s shouldn’t he retire like yesterday?

Zaku's avatar

At first glace, sounds like it could be enough to either get the boss fired, or if he owns the place, sued for sexual discrimination, so you could try asking a lawyer if that’s a potentially lucrative option. It sounds like the kind of workplace you might be well rid of, anyway.

Either that, or you enjoy living in the 1970’s workplace culture. Pretend you’re in a 70’s or 80’s bigoted workplace comedy.

SergeantQueen's avatar

He constantly tells customers there is no manager working when I am right next to him and will tell them to call corporate to complain instead. Every guest. And I usually am in the middle of my own transaction so I can’t always intervene when I hear him say it.

That goes wayyy against our company standards as our whole freaking model is to do everything we can to help the customer and he never does.

Also, lots of customers complain how rude he is.

janbb's avatar

@SergeantQueen Well, it definitely sounds like his behavior should be documented and reported to HR. But if you decide to do it, I would focus much more on his rudeness to customers and lack of following company policy than his slights to you. Not that they aren’t reprehensible, but I think the former is more likely to get them to act.

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Pandora's avatar

I agree with @janbb. The quickest way to get him fired is when its costing the business customers. Also, the fact that he is lying to customers by telling them there is no manager when you are right there at the time. Though I would’ve excused myself from my current customer and briefly told the customer I will be with them when I am done and told him to f off in a nice way. You should document everything. You also need to have told him to never brush off a customer by saying there is no manager. Otherwise, he could say he meant there was no manager available because you were busy. Tell him if a customer asks for a manager he should find a manager or direct them to one if he is occupied. And only if there is physically no manager in the store, should he ever say there is no manager. People like to play stupid when it suits them.

As for his language, I would tell him that he needs to speak in a professional manner that does not offend people and if he continues it will be reported to HR
Old people sometimes get the attitude that no one is going to change who they are and they earned the right to be total A-holes. I’m always of the mind that you are welcome to be offensive at home but no one needs to put up with that when receiving customer service or having to work with someone like that, and if he cannot help but offend people then he shouldn’t work with people.

I bet your boss never really took it up with him. Lots of bosses ignore confrontation, especially if they like the person and were the one to hire them.
I agree with @luckyguy and you should do an official reprimand statement and have him sign it. So he can’t say he wasn’t told to stop and that it was offensive.

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kritiper's avatar

Find yourself another job. This one will not end favorably for you.

chefl's avatar

@SergeantQueenYou’re right about “I really don’t give a fuck if it “could be worse” I’ve dealt with worse in the workplace, that’s why I’m not dealing with this B.S.” People should treat their flu even if it could’ve been cancer.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I am not finding another job, I am attempting to make this a career.

chefl's avatar

@kritiper If she quits her job wouldn’t that work for him? Is that what you would do? “This one will not end favorably for you.” No way anyone can be that sure.

chefl's avatar

@kritiper Imagine if someone said that to you when you’re about to go to the doctor, (“doctors are of no help”) or to the police to report your stolen pet, or something not as important but important. (Edited)

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